uncleyussof

An unusual reminder

2011-11-27T01:54:00.002+08:00

This is a reminder
to say whatever you have on your mind, no matter how sappy it is, to the person it concerns. Say it as soon as possible.

People usually leave such things to ill opportune timings when the words, once were gold, may sound scammish and bullshitty or worse, words with ulterior motives and hidden aggendas.

Don't wait, say it.

Rainy days

2011-11-15T00:38:00.003+08:00

DAMP SOCKS

If your guy is willing to brave the rain
and get his socks damp to have lunch with you,
TREASURE HIM.

or take a photo of his damp socks and laugh at him, whichever works for you.

Ghouls of Halloween

2011-10-31T02:24:00.008+08:00

While many spontaneous thrill seekers flocked to Sentosa in search of spooks and spectres this Halloween Weekend, paranormal activities were reported back in mainland Singapore.

Authorities, who were busy carving Jack-o-lanterns, were alerted by frantic park goers who spotted a creature lurking near Kallang Riverside Park. Intially dismissing the report as a hoax, the authorities sat upright upon hearing the roars of the creature.

Creature doing a "rawr".

Due to fears of mass hysteria, the Authorities filed for immediate injuction of the spread of the news on any social media platform (hence YOU not having the slightest clue this happened) and immediately called upon leaders of the field to investigate this matter.

Therefore, yours truly was summoned to the scene.

My first encounter with the creature was ...while it was sniffing flowers.

Which was quite a turn off since i expected a mega tonne fire breathing reptillian swaggering it's crushing spiked-ball tail exhaling toxic fumes and upsetting richter scales with each step it took. Well, you could say i was farely disappointed with how retarded the creature looked in reality.

Still, i did not let my guard down as i approached the unknown entity with much caution, drawing up battle plans simultaneously in my head.

Thought number 1: i obviously was no match for ANY creature, let alone an unclassified species like this one. Upon ANY signs that my life was in peril, i would run.

Thought number 2: in my most altruistic self, i would gather as much information of the creature for the good of all Singaporeans. For the good of the world. For the progress of Science. For the betterment of living.

A quick duck to the left, 3 sommersaults to the right and 26 leopard crawls northwest, i was next to the creature and safely in it's blindspot.

Peering at the creature's menacing jaws.

Made a mental note not to end up between those!

Big round yellow eyes.

Definitely not of asian origins.

A red secondary head on it's left.

A blue secondary head on it's right.

I remembered reading some theories from Supernatural Monsters Origins and Knowledge of Evolution (or SMOKE for short) and hence made my deductions for such a queer evolution of the existence of two secondary heads with different colours: to remind the main head which side it is facing. You know, like when sometimes you face your right and forget which side u're facing? Yeah you get my point...right?

Creature had a sturdy body, which strangely seemed to look like logs and pipes.

Oh wait, is the creature wearing a name tag???!

The fascinating sight of the creature's physique must have distracted me from my sole mission here, which was to gather information! Using my unique ability of READING, i could tell that R-i-v-e-r M-o-n-s-t-e-r spelt River Monster! I immediately sent back this useful intel to the Authorities eagerly waiting my every morsel of intelligence i had on the creature.

However, as you can see, the descriptions were either hieroglyphic or cryptic and it would take too long to decipher them. One thing was clear though, a River Monster has taken shore on our sunny island!

Suddenly another creature lunged towards me from nowhere!

I made 4 sommersaults back and sidestepped 7 times to a safer spot. That was close.

What... what on earth is this?!

My sudden movements must have started the River Monster. With a loud roar, (which sounded strangely like the horn of a ship) it surged towards the river bank and disappeared as the other creature scuttled away.

Should u encounter any similar creatures in Singapore, do contact lead paranormal investigator Uncle Yussof.

Remember friends,
Low Creature Report doesn't mean No Creature Report.

In the meantime, enjoy your Halloween!!!

Snippets of Fast(eat)ing Month

2011-09-08T23:17:00.008+08:00

This was how fast-eating month went for me.

Oriental Buffet at Meltz, located at Marina Mandarin Hotel.

Wide selection of meat.

Super fresh sushi.

The best kebab ever!

You know how usually the kebab is like tough and dry? This kebab was like really succulent and tender!

Each slice of the cucumber's worth $1,
at Ippudo Tao, UE square. Not to be confused with United Square!

Corny dish.

Salad.

Doufu with chicken. Yummeh.

Chan Chan Yaki. What a kawaii name. Nowhere near yucky!

Time wasting dish. So much effort to roll it up, in one moutful it disappears. -_-

My main dish, chashu rice. Surprisingly good! Very tasty!

Time for some local favourites at Chompchomp! Satay!

Orh lua and carrot cake!

Onions!
(we ordered squid, got half a plate of onions instead)

And yes, i took the effort to separate them to show u.

Heavy noodles! (One Tonne Mee! hur hur)

Icecream at newly opened Udders @ Serangoon Gardens! Try Hazel's Nut!

"Prepare to be moonstruck!"

Ham and Cheese Panini.

Went to a place called Medz, located at the basement of Orchard Central.
They're like Marche that serves Mediterranean food. Did i spell that correctly? Too lazy to search.

Verdict: Marche still better. It has a wider selection of food!

Was very happy to see the all familiar Rosti! For $3 more, i could add a few chunks of beef.

Their pricing quite unfair also cos for $3 more...
I got that lump of mashed potato. How does 3 chunks of beef equal to a spoonful of mashed potato?!

Margherita Pizza.

*abrupt ending to picture spam*

Did this post make you hungry? ;)

An open letter to the prata uncles

2011-07-29T04:04:00.002+08:00

Dear Prata Uncle,

In your grand scheme of feeding your abundant offspring and your lifelong quest to carve that perfect mustache, i implore that you look into certain issues.

Firstly, i get a feeling u're ripping me off my money. It's okay. I'll gladly pay $2.50 for flour rubbed with mushroom and cheese but why do u peg your kosong pratas to the economy's inflation? Do you know every time the price increases by 10 cents, it sends shockwaves? Do u know how many smses i've received informing me of this?

Why do u always give me a black face (figurative speech) when i ask for sugar? It's only sugar. Although it is of a crystalline structure, it is not diamond. I repeat, i asked for sugar, not diamonds.

Why is it my job to walk to your counter, where you're ignorantly doing your own irrelevant stuff like wiping the sink or cracking lameass jokes with your counterparts, so that i can beg you to take my money? Why must i beg you to take my money? Why must i repeat what i've eaten to you so that u can count so loudly in my face?

What's worse is you seldom use a calculator and i'm the one doing the math for you. What's worsex2 is you seem as if u can't be bothered to take my money. It's as if walking away after eating is the correct behaviour, and slogging up the 3 steps to your counter was the wrong one.

And the last i remembered, my curry includes a tiny chunk of potato floating around. Where has it gone to?

Yours Sincerely,
Prata Consumer.

Overzealous Recruit

2011-07-13T11:39:00.004+08:00

On a late afternoon last December 2010, Coast Guards spotted a bespectacled young man, with a typically shaven head, swimming towards the sunny shores of Singapore. They immediately identified him as a new recruit from the Basic Military Training School, Pulau Tekan. The Coast Guards wasted plenty of time before recapturing him.

Coast Guard 1: "We playing dai dee when we saw that recruit swimming breast stroke. So we played 6 more rounds la cos i was losing money ma."

Coast Guard Sergeant: "Our immediate decision was to inform BMTS of their recruit's action. The Chief of the school told us not to recapture him until he was 50m off Singapore's shores. And so we waited until he was 51m off the shores then we catch him lor."

The young recruit was identified to be a very bright student from Zhonghua Academic Institutes (ZAI). Intellectual as he was, this recruit (name could not be revealed at this point) suffered from a syndrome that prevented him from understanding social cues. His failure to interprete social cues resulted in taking words literally.

Phrases like "Can i have a minute with you?" or "Go screw yoursef!" are such examples in which this recruit would take literally. Metaphors and similes were not part of this recruit's mental capacity.

Therefore on that very fateful day in BMTS, in his struggle and transition into military life, said recruit realised he forgot to bring his jockey cap that day.

The Jockey Cap

Journalist Investigator Yussof probed further into the case to unravel the motivation of the recruit's long distance swim back home; apparently his Sergeant "told him to do it."

Recruit: Sergeant i forgot to bring my jockey cap.
Sergeant: Recruit, u want to play punk issit? You want me to go to your house take for you issit? Still stand here for what. Go swim home and take it!

And so he did.

Yussof manages to get a picture of the recruit.
With his Jockey Cap.

Ironically the recruit's posted vocation is Seaport Operator. Life is a joke.

Click here to view related article.

her

2011-07-04T06:28:00.002+08:00

Definitely a mantra to live by.

Fortune Favours

2011-06-10T21:36:00.012+08:00

Great news! The chicken rice downstairs has reverted to its $2.50 per plate price!
Not so great news, they kinda stinge on the meat and rice and no longer garnish the soup with spring onions.

Greetings readers!

I was enjoying the solitude and chewing on a roast chicken tonight when suddenly this chinese speaking fortune teller sat in front of me and started telling me about how my eyes hint that i'm damn intelligent (haha what a joke) and how my nose hints of my wealth (when he obviously should look at my bank account instead).

What usually took me 10 minutes took me half an hour. I was my most patronising self, nodding to everything he said and looking all interested. Well perhaps i had nothing better to do, was heading home to sleep anyway, might as well listen to a bed time story.

Case in point, i did not want to part with my $10 note. I detest fortune tellers and cab drivers. Moreover I didn't want my fortune told in chinese; i might not even understand half of it! He kept asking me if i understood what he was saying. Partially. Can half price? He's most likely a conman anyway. If u happen to be eating somewhere in Geylang, this guy is on the prowl! Beware. He likes to con teenagers.

I, on the other hand, have my own means of fortune telling!
Here are my Top10 signs that u have good luck:

1) My girlfriend decides that premarital sex is okay. (LOL)

2) I pick up >$5 note on some random street. ( Usually my short sightedness allow allows others to pick it up before me @#$%)

3) The Indian Prata man charges me much less than i'm supposed to pay. (Yay! I'd like cheap Bryani too )

4) I catch a Mobster/ Leprechaun on Mousehunt!

5) The Warmonger Mouse drops me sandblasted metal/ sphynx crystal.

6) I catch a shark with a level 1 net in Fishing Joy! ( i just did so today!)

7) I strike toto/4D.

8) I make a straight flush against a Nut flush.

9) I river a royal flush against a straight flush.

10) Doctors realise my blood is immune to the Zombie Apocalypse.

And you know u're down on your luck on the days when you fire your level7 net and unbeknowst to you, a level1 gupppy is swimming under your cannon. Or when your level 7 net misses every school of fish and flies out of the screen. FYL.

I guess it isn't religion nor money that holds me back from extending my arm to get my palm read. It's just...life is supposed to be a mystery isn't it?

"But better to not know which moment may be your last, every morsel of your entire being alive to the infinite mystery of it all." -Captain Jack Sparrow

It's a pirate's life for me. Savvy?

flowers of summer

2011-05-28T00:29:00.004+08:00

As my final words seeped out of my mind, quickly dissolving into the sticky semi-aqueous blue fluid known as ink and left partially legible scratches on the examination script, major components and circuitry which facilitated logical thought seemed to shut down in unison ...and with much glee.
The impending thought of spending the next few months without need for much neuro activity seemed to send many departments of my brain into early hibernation.
If we only used 1% of our brain, I would be using 0.01% of it now.
Alright i just needed an excuse to pass of this blogger site as a tumblr. Tumblr blogs are like picture spam. That's what i feel like doing these days.

The exams have come to pass.

The flowers of summer in full bloom

Bursting to life, like happiness it springs forth

the sweet scent of ...salt and seaweed.

I wasted no time to extract it's golden nectare

A sense of realisation and emotion came to me as i licked my salty lips.
It was then i knew i had to seize these following months and make something of them. I had to be happy.

You could be anything. Or you could be happy.

And somewhere in between all this bulls*** and gibberish is Uncleyussof flaunting his awesome artistic skills on how he perceives a Shaker Fries Packets should be torn open. There i said it.

examination liquid

2011-05-19T20:23:00.002+08:00

It will soon be over, these examinations.

uncle yap meets yussof

2011-04-24T17:49:00.002+08:00

Synopsis: Uncle Yap goes to Subway restaurant.

Uncle Yap is such a humourous person. He decided to lodge a police report against Lee Hsien Loong today! Watch his video below.

The upcoming elections are really driving people crazy.

Be on your guard

2011-04-15T09:15:00.009+08:00

It was just another typical day. I coursed through the already much cleaner streets of Geylang, which once lined women skilled in a specific trade. Now all that's left are creepy Pimps who ask if u want a hooker. What recently amused uncleyussof was after countless times of rejecting this Pimp, he asked if i wanted a male whore instead. Yeah like wth rite! Anyway that's not the point of this post.

Okay so i live in this geylang "condo" which entitles me to a pathetic growth divendend of only $400 while others are getting like $700 in a more spacious and luxurious HDB? Like wth rite! Yet once again, that's not the point of this post.

As i passed through the gates into my estate, to my dismay, the security guard on shift today that day was unfamiliar to me. Moreover what irked me was...

...well he wasn't really on his guard and my residence wasn't any more secure.

Okayyy cut him some slack! Maybe he's just taking up a comfortable position to monitor the CCTV? Maybe he has an acute sense of awareness of his surroundings and his niche is CCTV montoring! So i decided to put my sneaking abilities to good use.

I decided to creep in.

Let me try to get to get to see his face. Okay that it is his leg. Need to get closer...

Okay his legs again. Careful they probably stink.

Oh yes i see his face now! He's... not watching the CCTV.

What a disappointment. Every month we pay this amount called the Maintenance Fee and a proportion of this is to pay the security guard his keeps to keep vigil of this estate.

Just imagine.

"FIRE FIRE HELP! Somebody!!"

Zzz.

HELP HELP SOMEONE'S DROWNING IN THE POOL.

HELP HELP I'M BEING ROBBED

HELP HELP A PROSTITUTE IS MOLESTING ME.

HELP HELP MAS SELAMAT IS IN MY LIFT!

I think u finally get my point.

The competency of security guards have always been in question. Most of the time the incumbent guards are old but i guess nothing bizarre really happens to test their mettle. This is usually the case during peace time, when everything is safe and sound and no one questions anything. Citizens only start pointing fingers when something goes wrong. Even so, when something goes wrong, nothing even happens! Look, this security guard is going to come back again another day. And he's still going to get his paycheque.

Looking at the bigger picture, i guess i'm just unhappy with the fact that some can earn their pay by not doing anything. I've seen this happening amongst some SAF regulars. It happens. Sometimes, even 4.2million sgd a year is justified in some sectors. There just isn't enough monitoring. The question is are they really doing their job to deserve that pay? Or are they just sleeping!?

In light of the coming Singapore General Elections 2011, vote wisely. This is uncleyussof signing off, merely shedding light on his residence's security guard.

Barbra Streisand

2011-03-17T07:04:00.002+08:00

Yeah you cool chics must definitely have heard the song with only 2 words: Barbra Streisand.

It goes like wooooo woooo wooo woooo...x3 then Barbra Streisand. Need i explain more?

Well here's a link that changes the words "Barbra Streisand" to any other 4-syllable rubbish you can come up with. I've been stuck on this site for an hour entertaining myself so... It's definitely worth sharing!

Here goes woooo woooo wooooo "Uncleyussof" (click away to hear!)

I am number 4.

2011-02-25T00:44:00.006+08:00

This is number one.

He was killed by a terminal psychological disease known as insanity.

This is number 2.

She was killed by a lethal armpit infection.

This is Number 3.

She was killed by a careless zookeeper.

Who am i?

You've got to keep it a secret.

Don't tell anybody.

There were 9 of us, children of guardians of Lorien sent to earth by the Mogadorians (baddies) in hiding till we find our powers again.

Three of them have been killed.

I am number four.

I have psychic powers.

I know who you are right now yes you i know who you are!

Even without looking at your IP address.

You don't know what i am capable of.

Because i myself don't know what i'm capable of.

I have 3 hoodies, my favourite being Navy Blue.

15% of the show i'm doing this.

Looking at my palms and wondering why they are glowing.

Another 15 % of the show i'm doing this.

Yup still wondering what my palms are doing, why they glow and stuff.

Then for the next 25% of the show i'm using them as flash lights, looking for things like Dora the Explorer, just that it's night time...and i'm using flash lights. Oh it runs without batteries and they are damn powerful! Screw phones with built in torchlights.

YES I GET IT. Iron man has got it too.

And his probably looks cooler than mine.

Okay fine his repulsor beams pawn mine.

But give me a chance will y'all?

I'm the upcoming super hero.
winks.

Oh did i mention i'm keeping a low profile...

Rabbitz

2011-02-02T21:52:00.017+08:00

As the lunar new year approaches, so does the change in Zodiac to one of my favouritest Zodiac... The Rabbit!

*tugs at heartstrings*

Affectionately pronounced as "lehhbit" by many ahlians, "wabbit" by people with braces and kept by many pet lovers, the rabbit is unanimously known for it's docile, gentle nature and it's mating abilities. Therefore, uncleyussof dedicates this post to rabbits, a compilation of all the rabbits we'd love to love...

many weird sounds come to mind upon seeing this image. Agreed?

Raving Rabbids!
These Rabbits have taken the world by storm! A must have with every Wii console, the Raving Rabbits are incredibly adorable. Pick a really ridiculous looking one and battle your friends in psycho-motor games!

Rawr.

Diuuum!

Yikess!

Ehhh...wassup doc!

Bugs Bunny
Doesn't everyone know/ love him? He's cute, confident...

and he always gets the chic.

And he never fails to give that JUST TOO EASY expression everytime he succeeds. Cocky fella but we still love him!

Duracell bunny!
Okay my guess is that no one really remembers him. Wrong era. However i remember him! Used to be very amused by him clanging 2 cymbals together when i was a kid. Haha.

Didn't we all love chewing on this milky candy? Didn't we all ever ask if that transparent sheet could be eaten? Didn't we fight over this candy?

...until one day kids started to diarhhea, foam in their mouths and die. Damn.

Yeah they call me Rabbit, this is a turtle race.

Marshall Bruce Mathers III aka. Eminem plays Emcee Rabbit. One of the best mainstream Rappers in the world.
Lose yourself in the world where MC Rabbit struggles through love, life and standing up for his friends. Yo.

The symbol everyone recognises.

Yes that's right guys. A symbol of fertility, lust and elegance all embodied in a logo. The playboy bunny. How smart of Hugh Hefner.

Check out Alessandra Ambrioso in a playboy bunny outfit. Now guys calm down...

Ever wondered what the difference between a Playboy Bunny and a Playmate is? Well a playboy bunny would refer to that waitress who dons a black satin corset and bunny ears at the Playboy Club. (another ingenius creation by Grandpa Hugh)

A playmate is well...someone who has posed for Playboy magazines...nude. Memorable (not my own memory of course) figures include Marilyn Monroe.

And now for the hottest playboy bunny evvaaaaa...

NOPE NOT THIS. THIS IS NOT A BUNNY.
Don't even know what creature this is! HAHAHAHHA

Woohoo! Year of the Rabbit! Rabbit of the Year! Me!

Okayy that's enough narcisssism for today, shall save the other narcissistic stuff for other posts so...

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR YUSSOF READERS! *firecrackers explode in the background* May happiness and laughter come hand in hand spring up to surprise you in every turning you take. For MORE happiness and laughter, you all know which informative blog to visit. Yes, self advertisement i can't help it.

Till then...

Move aside tigers! The Rabbits are taking over!

Enjoy the festive everyone!
gong xi fa cai!

u give shops a bad name

2011-01-28T21:00:00.010+08:00

It's official. I blog like a snail.

Slowly.

Very slowly...

Anyway i'm so glad i didn't step and crush this slow moving mollusk that night. Got to snap up front pictures of it! And you know one thing about snails, they never react fast enough to evade your camera!

Rewind a few hours back, i was savouring a cup of this...

It is official. I rather drink Grass Jelly Milk Tea from I love taimei more than Koi! Yums.

As I was walking through Bugis, on a hunt for clothes, i was a little taken aback by a shop I saw. This wasn't Bugis Village mind you, it was at the heart of Bugis Junction!

Like word??

What kinda name is that. It reeks of androgynous origins, maybe even organs relating to hermaphrodites... WHAT KINDA NAME IS VENIS?!

Was quite shocked at the audacity of the person who came up with this shop name. Singapore entrepreneurs, i hereby do urge you all to spend a little more time devicing better shop names... (than to draw up your profit forecasts etc)

Fortunately, time in Bangkok shopping allowed Uncleyussof to share with you rather interesting shop names. Let's take a look...

Remember i told you about this place in Bangkok where they sell fusion food? Yes it's called Bug and Bee! Well i guess if Venis were to adopt this concept, they would name themselves... I better not ruin the family orientedness of this wholesome site.

Pig and pepper. Do pigs and pepper really go together? Well i wouldn't know, this wasn't a restaurant, but a clothes shop in Chatuchak. lol

Yeah and if you want a really fierce shop name, Big Bear is fine. You may however want to improve on the mascot...it looks like a fat cat.

In conclusion, boisterous bangkok really love their alliteration. Well, at least that's a concept.

Seen any shop names that irk you? Please report to uncleyussof @uncleyussof on twitter or on my tagboard! In the meantime, have a great CNY shopping everyone!

Physiques of The Quest

2011-01-06T23:37:00.014+08:00

I had deprived myself of holidays these years cos i thought there wasn't really a reason to celebrate or to rejoice in. I didn't make a mark for myself, it's not exactly that i've breezed through my academics so yeah i didn't think I deserved one.

Therefore before i left for Bangkok for 5 days 4 nights, I thought hey, there should be a noble purpose for this trip. A higher cause, a greater purpose perhaps. Incidentally, I felt like I needed to come back and do a really intellectual post since the poker guys were laughing at my previous entries. I was inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat Pray Love. Despite her self obessession and it's warped nature, I kinda related to one of her theories. Here goes...

""I've come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call "The Physics of The Quest"- a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: "If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting and set out on a truth-seeking journey and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared - most of all -to face some very difficult realities about yourself....then truth will not be withheld from you."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Great, I thought. I was really thrilled to open myself to adventure, self exploration and deep meditation.

WAS

SO WRONG.

I did no reflection.

I fell sick.

But I came home and my mom asked if I got fat. I went to school and got called fat. Now there's this someone who can't stop pinching my tummy either!

Therefore i conclude I returned from this noble "Quest" not any wiser but fatter. Let me therefore analyse the Food of Bangkok City that made yussof fat...

Duty Free Chocolate Croissant at starbucks!
Fat Value: 3/10.
Yum yum this is a really delicious plate of chocolate croissant is a rare gem tucked away in an obscure place called Starbucks. Who am i kidding. You can find this pastry in any starbucks outlet so stop reading this description it's pointless. Oh and the chocolate inside is rather miserable. I'd pass on this in future... Why are u still reading this description.

Dog Meat!
Fat Value: okay i'm kidding, i'm not chinese anyways.

Plate of Fusion Pad Thai with Coke
Fat value: 3/10

Really interesting dish at this restaurant called Bug n Bee, where they fuse traditional thai cuisine with new age kinda stuff, cos this Pad Thai is made with crepe! Honestly the crepe is like the dry version of Mee Hoon Kway but tasty nonetheless! 5 generous portions of prawns and random seafood. About $8sgd.

and well obviously my own serving of padthai wasn't enough!

Had a slice of Mango chicken pie which was really delicious. Mango and meat go really well together seriously which genius thought of putting them together. Oh and then there's the Tom Yum Goong soup which wasn't really that spicy but what's thai food without tom yum soup rite. Tom Yum soup really whets one's taste buds and the joy of scooping up a prawn as u scrimmage through the mushrooms and what not...
Just awesome.

Baileys on the rocks!
My first drink at RCA where we had our countdown. Sadly before counting down... My baileys on the rocks became baileys...on the floor. YY knocked my cup down! It's okay YY...u owe me a drink lor. HEHE.

Doufu.
Fat value: 0.
Lust value: 10.
It really took me the entire night to even get a picture of these ladies. And i'm not even sure they are ladies!!! Anyway in real life these girls were pretty and MANY MANY people came over to take pictures with them. I assume it's because they have really nice dresses and have long curly hair. I don't suppose it's cos of their deep cleavages. Anyhow, these tasty snacks are aplenty in thailand. Keep salivating, pervs.

How about a healthy cup of strawberries for a change. Actually i didn't have them... Just wanted to show u that the Casio Exilim (possession in transfer from BF to me) takes really good pictures given proper lighting... heh.

Roadside Beefnoodles and Wanton Mee.
Fat Value: 5/10 + 1/10 for having it at 4am.

Our first go at roadside food. At that point in time i was already munching on fried chicken cutlet (35 baht!) and u can see the remnants of some of the bones there in the picture next to the cup of chilli.

So we approached these 2 ladies who were slurping up shimmering strands of noodles as they bantered in Thai as we interrupted them and gestured to them our interest in...their food. The friendly thais summoned the Beef Noodle lady and got us 1 bowl immediately. The beef noodles were great! Rice Noodles, a really common, cheap i suppose, type of noodles in thailand, was served along with tangy beef balls in spicy dark sauce. Yums.

The Wanton Mee was quite special because it consisted half an egg which to me is like finding a banana in ur char kway teow. That aside, it was easy to eat, the noodles drenched with soupy yellow sauce.

Dry Rice Noodles
Fat Value: 3

At 50 baht i was expecting something but nope, this dish wasn't anything to shout about. It was damn dry i got a feeling i should have ordered it soupy. The rice noodles clumped together and i probably finished them in 5 mouthfuls. Plus one more extra mouthful for every ingredient they added so make that 12 mouthfuls. Hardly satisfying... I had to order more.

Fried Chicken Rice
Fat Value: 6.5

Yes now i started to taste proper food. For 50 baht, i got a deceivingly simple looking plate of rice topped with golden fried chicken and a saucer of chilli. I scooped a portion of rice and brought it to my gaping mouth... The rice grains were smooth and supple! They melted into my mouth as i rolled it down my oesophagus. The chicken was fried really well, a tasty layer of fried flour hid the sinful layer of fats and tenderised meat beneath its surface. To complement, the chilli was sweet.
What a delightful plate of chicken rice!

Like a G7, like a G7.

Out of curiousity i took a photo of this box outside a pharmacy. It turns out this was thailand's local Viagra. Yeah man they have their own Tongkat Ali too.

And it's so fly.

Breakfast every morning.

Delivered to our doorstep BUT i had to stumble to the door grumpily to retrieve it every morning. Worth it tho!
Yoghurt cereal, coffee and tea, orange juice and apple juice, hard boiled eggs and chicken ham croissant.

Did i mention hard boiled eggs? (:

Fried Food at Chatuchak

Ginormous Prawns.

Food at Chatuchak
Fat Value: 5.4

Was having a sore throat that day. Didn't really fancy all the fried food but since Calbin offered to peel the prawns, i gladly ate them tee hee. He also got this pot of cow innerds or something... I almost bit into a testicle thinking it was a meatball but fortunately i could tell it was smooth. How disastrous could lunch get! And i kinda forgot what weird eggs those were... Wasn't in an adventurous mood but apparently Calbin said the eggs tasted "richer". I wouldn't like something tasting too rich in protein anyway...makes me think i'm eating...oh nevermind.

Grass Jelly Milk Tea at Chatuchak
Fat Value: 1

At first sight the milk tea looks rather delicious! You'd be thinking tea in Thailand would be cheap since they have plantations of it. Well yeah this cup of milk tea was for 60baht, nowhere near Koi's incredulous pricing. Moreover Thai milk tea is orange in colour. I wanted to buy a cup of it myself but Calbin stopped me and handed over his cup to me. It seems that it failed his expectations. I snatched the cup over to analyse it and after a few mouthfuls realised perhaps we weren't used to their milk tea. It really tastes quite different and lingers on ur tongue far too long... Moreover the straw should be bigger. How to suck properly? To sum it up, i'm glad i didn't buy myself a cup.

Coconut Icecream at chatuchak
Fat Value: 4

I'm not a fan of coconuts so this dessert was merely appealing aesthetically. A nice creamy scoop of coconut icecream topped with nuts in a coconut shell. No wonder there was a long queue at this shop.

Food at Siam Paragon Foodcourt

My bowl of kway teow soup at 60baht was reasonable. I had no choice cos i still had a sore throat.

Papaya salad, a dish we used to like from Thailand. Really crunchy stuff.

The further away we have the Pineapple Rice in a pineapple husk. Obviously only tourists like us would have bought it. It tasted anything but special...

And there's the pad thai. I'm glad we all made the effort to eat thai food even tho we were at a food court... Haha.

Icecream at Gelate

Yes you've read correctly, their ice cream stall is called Gelate (sounds so like Gelare?), located in Siam Paragon's supermarket.
All the ice cream looked really good!

Sijie made me her slaveboy after she bought me the Ferrero Rochere icecream. I still cannot decide if that was worth it... lol.

Body Shape Coffee For Men
Fat Value: Zero cos it says 0 Calorie.

I never knew coffee could give u such a body! I should have bought one box to try... Now i'll never attain such a body! ):

Okay that night HJ came back really excited after patrolling the street stalls near our hotel as he dashed to the microwave oven to prepare. I knew we were in some serious trouble because HJ loves street stalls and apparently he's already had his share downstairs before he came up and yet he was behaving as if he was still hungry...

FWAHH.

Stewed Pork noodles
Fat Value: 100/10

Do u see that. Plonked right in front of me was really a lump of lard. HJ had bought stew pork noodles...and as i searched the styrofoam box for lean meat, it was hardly existent. I resigned to my fate and literally scooped fats and placed them in my mouth. They were real tasty and went really well with the soupy warm kway teow. I could hear my coronary arteries begging for me to stop... I couldn't. I think my arteriole cavities shrunk by 10% that night.

Apple Beetroot Carrot Juice

ABC juice apparently can boost ur immune system, says 2 wise people so i bought a cup to try. For those who have always been timid and reluctant to try new stuff, this one is fine. Just tastes like watermelon juice actually!

A&W Cheeseburger, Curly Fries and Root Beer Float.
Fat Value: 5.8

Yup the grass is always greener on the other side. You'll always want the things u rarely have... We had to have A&W. And i realised drinking the rootbeer does require some skill. Do not prod the ice cream in straight away... Would result in volcanic explosion. Trick is to drink a portion first before u stir the icecream in. *winkz*

And finally the last meal on the plane back.

The air stewardess was asking if i wanted curry chicken rice or "tempting" fish. I don't really get how this is tempting but yeah it was satisfying. I think in-flight food should increase in portion really... Too little for me.

This ends my accidental food blogging post. Never intended to steal any food blogging credits here!

Lastly and most importantly folks, do not mistake my protruding ribs as my tummy. LAST WARNING!

on the third day of christmas

2010-12-27T17:26:00.004+08:00

uncleyussof ie. me speaking in third person has decided to revamp his entire outlook! What do u guys think of this new look? (of course i'm asking as if everyone cares)

To my hardcore fans you would know i've retained several elements of the old outlook, such as the leafy feel and green texture. Apparently green is good for your eyes so i've generously sploshed green all over the sight for the benefit of thy eyes! Don't thank me I've always been good to you readers! (as for the pig cursor...i'll try to add it back in)

Have always been so sickened by how the previous skin looks so unhealthy and i've always wanted GOOD SKIN. So since i can't have it in real life...well at least my blog does! yippee.

What a year. You guys must have been tormented by that stalk of chrysanthemum every time u came back in high hopes of an awesome post... I must admit i've let 6 months worth of GOOD SHIT dissipate into thin air. I've had so much ideas and wanted to blog them so much, but the bum in me refused to let me to. Even Hari Raya and other special dates weren't enough to jumpstart my engine. Twitter is partly to blame too.

So here i am, back blogging and hopefully i find some therapeutic recluse in this.

What's a post without pictures right? Some random pics off my facebook!

Now that i've satisfied that wee bit of narcissism, adios! Don't forget to poll on the right!

C.T.M

2010-05-09T00:27:00.003+08:00

All year long she stands in solitude; all year long she stands alone.

Her bright appearance a decoy to the fact she is but withering.

Her transient existence a testament to everlasting love.

Her brevity is the soul of wit.

Her brevity is the soul.

To Chrysan The Mum

and all the Mums whom we are unable to see

all the Mums who aren't receiving any gifts

all the Mums who are unable to celebrate

This specially goes out to you.

Happy Mothers' Day.

existence

2010-02-26T17:13:00.003+08:00

One of the greatest questions in life would be our existence. Why do we exist?

And the next question would be why do single decked buses exist.

Saves on fuel. Saves on road space. More seats. Go figure.

Gong Xi Fa Cai

2010-02-12T21:31:00.011+08:00

In a time long ago, the Chinese had really flexible kids.

They looked something like this.

The Chinese used to believe a monster called Nian would terrify them once every year by coming round their villages to devour their poor little contortionistic vase-juggling kids because the kids were so flexible they slid down Nian's throat easily and took up a small space in Nian's stomach. Therefore Nian only ate Chinese kids.

It probably looked like this.

Or this!

MOST LIKELY THIS.

Therefore the chinese felt like they had enough of this Nian Monster so they combined their efforts against this common threat. Like every monster, the Nian Monster had a weakness and soon after, they realised the Nian Monster had a major vulnerability to noise. Summoning all their might, they made so much noise that the Nian Monster, along with the Indians Malays and Eurasians left China.

Today, with nothing to devour their kids, China has the fastest growning population. And they still make alot of noise, even when they eat.

But that's not the point. Thing was that the Chinese, like the Americans, understood something in common:"If there's something wrong, those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action." -Benjamin Franklin (National Treasure)

Recently, i saw a pack of rabbits on the bus.
Erm, actually not these rabbits but these la.

I was quite shocked. A malay boy was happily stuffing the white phallic candy into his mouth. I thought these sweets were unsafe to eat? I glanced a few seats away where his onlooking mother and she smiled. It's unsafe right? Stop eating!

I knew something was wrong. I had the ability to stop him. I had the responsibility to stop him. But i did not. He was untwirling the candy every second and popping the chewy rabbit the next. It was rapid. He definitely was enjoying it. I couldn't believe it, in all ridiculousness, he even looked at me and gave me a thumbs up!!!??!?!

I got down the bus. That was insane. That small little malay boy unknowingly guilt tripped me for not stopping him. I hope he's alright now and not dead. Can so imagine his ghost giving me a thumbs up. *shudders*

I however felt the responsibility to address the issue and tension surrounding Pastor Rony (PR), from Lighthouse Evangelical, not that he is popping melamine filled candy, but somewhat behaving in a similarly dangerous fashion.

On a positive note, PR has brought the attention of Singapore to Christianity, one of the many religions Singapore houses. On the negative note, he seems to be stepping on Buddha's feet and thereby bringing about major critique and bad response. Head to any forum and you'll see the online debacle. The following would be what i feel, with the least intentions to judge.

Uncle Yussof shall filter out all these criticism and leave you with only what I have to say. Firstly, i cringed while i watched the video of him "interviewing" the ex-monk, or rather, enacting a script that was so obviously rehearsed. Every question was structured to lead to its climax. Every question carried assumptions which contained few biblical truths and almost NO BIBLICAL REFERENCES. Every question was targetted at the heart of Buddhism. If you are a Buddhist, Uncle Yussof feels your pain.

However the Chrisitianity, like it or not, is a monotheic religion, therefore the belief in only one sovereign God. Pastor Rony, undoubtedly presented the whole issue badly. To debunk a religion with such jest is foolish enough, yet in a state where religious tolerance is of utmost priority, it had to happen.

Many are quick to point out if PR chose to debunk Islam, Lighthouse Evangelical would literally be lit up, with fire that is. In the political point of view, Pastor Rony has been given a stern warning for his act tantamounts to inciting religious intolerance. I doubt it is his intention to do so, but his negligence has clearly led to this. Okay maybe he would never have expected his sermon to be so widely viewed, but nonetheless it's no excuse.

The melamine has already been spilled. The sermon, preached and viewed. And critiqued. Right now, those who have the ability must have the responsibility to act. Yes, Christians have to act and stand up for what they believe in. They're gonna be asked more challenging questions now. (my personal favourite is why would God create Hell if He loves everyone?) They have to explain their faith to those who question, more thoroughly than ever. Christianity isn't a religion afterall, but a relationship. Like all relationships, the individuals have to be tested. The stage is set.

15 days of Chinese New Year has passed. Time for things to click into motion. Gong Xi Fa Cai to you all!

"If there's something wrong, those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action." -Benjamin Franklin (National Treasure)

mused on the intangible

2010-02-04T02:33:00.005+08:00

As i lay in bed basking in the glory of an insane rock concert, i pondered on a certain issue that has been resurfacing in my mind. Creeping in when i was unaware. Sneaking out while i was off guard.

On our pilgrimage on foot to Lorong 9 beef hor fun (according to post concert traditions), Mel cracked a joke that Muse was in this huge ass stationary container. Shane commented that muse is spirit.

Suddenly a huge list of intangibles overwhelm me and i can only believe i was possessed by the spirit of muse.

The intangible has always fascinated me.

-Emotions of the heart.
-The heart.
-Love.
What more can i say, i'm no expert afterall.

Uprising. Supermassive Black Hole. Map of the Problematique. Resistance. HYSTERIA. Stockholm Syndrome. United States of Eurasia. Sunburn. Undisclosed Desires. MK ULTRA. Starlight. Time Is Running Out. Unnatural Selection. Exogenesis: Symphony Part I. Plug In Baby. Knights of Cydonia.
-The very feeling the encounter with Muse has left me with.
-Muse has glazed me with a thick coat of excitement and estaticism and left me out on my own to roast in its sunburn.
-Trying to compare rock concerts; then deciding it is just not possible. One can never give concerts absolute terms.
-Realising the fact i'm going to scrimpt and stinge for the month but deciding that nothing else matters other than to getting to see THAT BAND live.
You can never experience the Eiffel Tower unless u've scaled it. Similarly u can never experience a band unless u've heard them live. Rock concerts are really something else. No amount of mp3s or wiki searches can compare.

-Leadership.
-Leadership appointment.
-Lack of leadership.
-Cowardice.
-Cowardly leaders.
-Courage.
-Succesful leaders.
-Change.
-Respect.
Where meritocracy outshines popularity in the long run. When hard decisions are made and problems foreseen, ammendments are made in retrospect, the leader will naturally be respected. Similarly, a figure head can easily be weeded out. For a leader to mete change, soft skills are required to coerce the stakeholders. Flamboyance and arrogance will be cast aside.

-Friendship.
-Honesty.
-Trust.
-Experience.
-Morals.
-Character
The only things that would be left when our bodies fade into oblivion.

Such are the things i've always been inclined to desire. Ideals and intangibles, unquanitfiable yet comprehensible and worth every single ounce of life to pursue.

Pursuit.
Dreams
Ambition.
Hope.

Give me your heart and your soul.

3 become 2

2010-01-22T20:45:00.006+08:00

The Killers have decided not to drop by our sunny little island and i'm contemplating going for BLG at Sentosa. Someone convince me please that they'll come back again?

HELLO HUMANS! I'm sure you funky, pop-listening people have heard the song 3 become 2 by

Boys Like Girls

featuring Taylor Swift? (yeah this was the hottest pic i selected... any hotter my blog might be labelled pornographic. I seriously hope she doesn't turn out like Britney so i'm following her on twitter to make sure she doesn't and i realised i'm digressing so yeah the end)

Maybe it's trueeee...i can't live without youuuuu...

that maybe THREEEE is better than TWOOooooo.

Yeah i know right, this is like such a common sight in trains Yussof, why did u bother to take it? Hmm.

Firstly i would like to commend these people for following instructions very well. As you can see on the top right of the picture, there's a diagram instructing 3 black figures on their different seating postures... And the rest of it is self explanatory. These men just had to follow instructions. Very well done. Singapore needs more people like you 3.

Disclaimer: This post does not encourage any sort of three way love, much less 3 way love making.

On a random note... God decided i needed some achievements to boast about so my team received 3rd place in a futsal tourney. HAHA.

but i'm looking for something real.

Shorter and Darker.

2010-01-16T00:38:00.006+08:00

Speaking of lacking in achievements, I didn't even get to see the once-in-a-millenium solar eclipse. ):

However in THIRUVANANTHAPURAM (somewhere in India i'm dead serious) the eclipse that reduced the sun to a blazing ring surrounding a sombre disk plunged them into TOTAL darkness.

Thiruvananthapuramian A: "Deyyy vhere are you?"
Thiruvananthapuramian B: "Deyyy i carnot see u hold my harn!"
Thiruvananthapuramian A: "Orkay. Let's go eat prata now"
Thiruvananthapuramian C: "WHO HOLDING MY HAND?!?!"

Also, the eclipse was considered inauspicious. The ganges river was closed for bathing which means err...they didn't bathe.

For those who missed it,fret not, Uncle Yussof has got a video for you! Enjoy!

And just like the solar eclipse which supposedly only lasted 2 hours, Uncle Yussof would now publish shorter, bite sized posts. This makes blogging more enjoyable for him and less of an uphill task.

And like an eclipse, it only gets darker.

Achievements and the spider

2010-01-15T17:06:00.013+08:00

I've got a story to tell.

There was a boy who was deeply fascinated by 8 legged arachnids. They were known as spiders and they spun webs. They were cool because their eyes or whatever those orbs were seemed to have a full 360 view of its surroundings. One day, the boy caught a spider in a tiny transparent container. The spider spun a web like that of a purse and hid in it.

When the boy caught flies and placed them in the container, the spider came out and consumed them. When a smaller spider was placed in the container, his bigger spider would vanquish its petite foe. The boy kept the spider as its pet, but it did not have a name.

Then one morning, as the boy opened his cupboard to feed it's pet, to his astonishment there were like a dozen of smaller spiders crittering in the glass. His pet has become a brood mother. The spiderlings were all over and there seemed to be no way to place a fly into the container without releasing one.

The boy innocently closed the cupboard and pondered what he should do. Then a week passed. And 2 weeks passed.

The boy was afraid to open the cupboard, the fear of what he would find consumed him. It was a problem that he was unable to face. Well, he thought if he did not open the cupboard ever again, then there wouldn't be a problem.

3 weeks later, he let the spider go free outside his house. She was alone and she had devoured her spiderlings. Then he closed the door.

And the boy grew up, increasingly afraid to stare down the eyes of Fear; unconsciously avoidance of problems liberated him from the existence of the problem. When things were left unattended for a long time, he never came back to open the cupboard, for fear of the impending mess had placed an unseen lock on the handles and an unseen grip around his heart.

And when he did open the cupboard, he let them go.

Welcome back dear followers of uncleyussof. I believe it has been 8 months since i have last blogged and for those who frequently came by, would have mastered their Oral skills by now. Nonetheless, uncleyussof is back, go tell all your friends! :D

I still look the same. teehee.

Nothing much has changed really.

Then u must be asking "Yussof yussof on the net, where has thou been?"

Well as you can see, one day after i published "Oral", i discovered a skill i never knew i possessed. It was like an unpolished diamond, but it yearned to be brilliant. So every 15 minutes, i honed my skill. I gained experience. And from a professional blogger who used to outshine Dawn Yang (hahaha) i became a professional Mousehunter. I served the King diligently. I achieved knight status.

I achieved. I achieved?

On a similar note, i was on the MRT a few days ago and while stoning, noticed an advertisement.

The advertisement boasted a new chocolate called Crispy and had a retarded tagline, something like " The egg came first or the dinosaur came first?" Bloody stupid. Obviously it's the dinosaur! How can an egg come? (you know what i mean) Visit the following site for more details on the chocolate. Beware of the irritating music. Crispy Chocolate!

Well that is besides the point, what caught my attention was that Crispy Chocolate had boldly exclaimed its BRAND AMBASSADOR was Huixian!

We all remember huixian from campus superstar 2 rite? And more importantly in my August 18 2007 post : Tribute To the Best Act Cute! Click on the following link to see. ACT CUTE!

Yeahhh 2years have passed and she looks so different. She's probably in JC now and wow, she's a brand ambassador. Huixian FTW!

"Life is not measured by the time we live with, but the number of achievements we live by" -Uncleyussof

Which brings me to my sad reality. What exactly have i achieved?

oral

2009-03-30T14:43:00.008+08:00

The public furor against oral examinations have come to yussof's attention after a couple (as seen above) were caught in the act at the breakwaters of East Coast Park.

Oral examinations (referred to as 'oral' in short by most students) are mandatory as part of education of the english syllabus here in Singapore , generally challenging a student's aptitude in discussing a picture provided and narrating a short passage. However, an increasing number of students today fall short.

"As a parent, i feel uncomfortable." says a concerned parent over an interview with the Straights Times in response to the news which made headlines just one week ago.

And how much more distressed would students these days feel over 'oral' considering even their parents feel the heat?

"I find oral disgusting!" replies a student whom yussof casually interviewed.

Taking into account that education has evolved into alot of spoonfeeding and increasing emphasis on grades, the written paper has become the focal point of local examinations. Essays, short answered questions and mcqs take up most of the weightage in the O' and A' levels examinations, leaving the Oral segment a queer anomaly of the English examinations. A mouthful too much for many.

Yussof surmises that this could be the reflection of a greater, unseen problem of our society, one that is socially segregated, compartmentalised and protected. One in which individuals choose to be distinct and superior to another, one that fears strangers. One that lacks the initiative to hold the lift for a stranger, one that refuses to say hello to his neighbour. And the root of the problem; a lack of oral, linguistic skills to break down the unseen veils between individuals.

This may be too much to swallow.
But yussof thinks 'oral' should be encouraged instead.

Therefore Yussof would like to point out a few pointers on how to improve your oral.

Part 1: Reading the passage

-Smile and look the person in the eyes since the first degree of contact is usually visual.
-Look as if you are really excited about the whole experience
-Do not chew on your words, dare to open your mouth
-Use your tongue to pronounce the 's' and the 'sk' (ie. tasks and licks)
-Maintain a calm and composed outlook
-Don't stop even if u made a mistake.
-At the end, look happy

Follow these guidelines for a safe start. Then we proceed to part 2.

Part 2: Picture Description

-Narrate the picture describing where the scenario takes place
-Systematically describe events occuring in the picture
-Include your opinion to the events
-Suggest any implied meanings behind their actions
-Close by giving your view of the entire picture

Let's have a go and see how this works.

This picture shows a scene in NUS central forum, where a crowd has gathered to watch a band performing at centrestage. Judging from the huge turn out, the band must have been playing good music, therefore generating a large audience. The many people who came could have been their friends just to support the band.

In the background, there is a large poster that reads Original Music Society and therefore i can conclude that the band is playing their own compositions. The event is titled Lunchtime invasions and i presume that the band is called Epicurie because it is such cute name.

On the red stage, there are four people. The guy standing on the left is the bassist, Nik, a chindian and is the newest member of the band. He adds intricate bass riffs to songs and blends an electronic raw flavour to the music.

The girl standing at the centre of the stage is Mel and she is the lead singer. She has a very unique voice and most of the songs are composed by her. She inspires melodious guitar riffs around her solid meaningful lyrics, like flesh around coalesce to the bone.

The guy sitting on the right of the picture is Uncle Yussof. He plays the guitar.

Hiding behind the drums is Shane Koh, a budding self-taught drummer. He is also chindian and he likes pythons, cobras and holds Health Minister Khaw Boon Wah in reverent awe.

Part 3: Questions

Be prepared to answer questions directed to you. Generally the questions are related to the picture.

Q: How did Epicurie form?
A: They started out in their JC days, first getting their act together for a Halloween gig, then restructuring the band to take part in The One competition in which they won. They were mostly a recreational cover band for some time, but began to take their music more seriously when they began to be exposed to the local music scene, thus realising they had the potential to take their music further.

Q: How many local bands actually make it.
A: like one percent. We acknowledge this fact, but we are ready to take the risk!

Q: What kinda music influences Epicurie?
A: I would say primarily Death Cab meets Muse and The Killers and subtly every other band that we have come across.

Q:How then will Epicurie set itself apart?
A: An epicure has a fine and exquisite taste for food. Like an epicure, we seek to find our own exquisite flavour but most importantly, i think the flavour is authentic in itself because it has very straightforward sound, yet the lyrics of and the sound lead to something deeper which we hope our listener finds in his own time. Very few local bands actually dare to sound like us actually. Their lead singers usually try to hit the high notes in live gigs for song dynamic purposes, but i think Mel sets us apart by emotionally relating to the crowd than to hit the highs. I would say feel epicurie than to listen to us.

Q: Why doesn't Epicurie have any recordings on it's myspace?
A: Honestly we have a few recordings but not professionally done. With our new recording interface, we are all set to begin recording late May once our exams are over. Do listen out for us!

And upon the end of this educational post, Yussof wishes all of you the best in future oral endeavours. (:

***

long live life!

2009-03-24T02:33:00.007+08:00

It's 4am in the morning and I'm still shivering from the surrealism of watching coldplay. And no, it's not because i'm only in my boxers.

It was my Mom's birthday when i was just 13 and i made her a birthday card since it was an annual tradition then to craft her one. However as a 13 year old imprudent kid, i foolishly wrote "Look at the stars, the colours shine for you and all the things that you do" therefore plaguerising Yellow, which was the angel of my airwaves then.

My mom didn't know. She listened and still listens to Gold 90 FM.

Tonight, just a few hours ago, i stood in the presence of the almighty band, surrounded by 10000, and I thank God that Singapore was included in the Viva La Vida tour (unlike malaysia who isn't).

Yet it isn't my habit to pay for such expensive indulgences. On any other occasion i would have paid for dim sum with calvin and darren, or bought a more expensive cake for Mitochondria, or get an effects pedal for Epicurie or took my parents to high tea.

But it wasn't any other occasion. It was coldplay coming to singapore. It was like meeting an overseas pen-pal whom u've heard so much about, who've influenced you in many subtle ways, yet remained unknown.

It's like hearing so much about the Niagara Falls but not experiencing it.

Now that i've justified myself, let's talk about Coldplay. They were phenomenal. Every detail in their concert was special and well thought, besides their choice of their opening act (which i wonder how much control they had over). Or maybe it was a smart move to choose an act that sucked in stark contrast.

It was an exhilarating experience to hear the songs that were so familiar to me, live. I could feel the drumbeat beating in my chest. I could hear every single crisp note coming out of chris martin's mouth. And the with the energy and enthusiasm bursting from will, guy and jonny, it was only natural to jump and mosh along.

Mel was waiting for Lost! and Shane was waiting for In My Place to be played. I was awaiting Fix You.

And we all screamed respectively when our songs were played. Besides Chris' ballads, Coldplay rocked for doing acoustic covers literally in the crowd, using fanciful props and bursting butterfly-graffitti filled balloons while playing favourites like Yellow, Clocks, The Scientist and Life in Technicolour. And they have this ability of making u feel they gave u their best performance, leaving u feeling like u were their best audience.

That's what Epicurie seeks to deliver on 26th March, 11am at the NUS Central Forum. Straight up, true, unpretentious yet exciting alternative music. Error-prone me will be playing the guitar on this acoustic set and we'll be playing originals! Should any one of u drop by, i'll give u a big hug. (: And to those who can't make it, i'm dedicating the songs to you all.

Viva La Vida is spanish for long live life. I would like to think every day is a day worthy of celebrating life and seizing this opportunity, i would like to thank every one of you out there who care and include me in your prayers. You know who you are! I really wishd i could do something more to show the appreciation. And you yussof reader. 2009 awaits.

Now as the sun creeps up, i'm ready to sleep, but my feet won't touch the ground.

And thanks for letting me see through your eyes.

university open house

2009-03-09T03:04:00.006+08:00

This is what they really mean.

For more open house details : www3.ntu.edu.sg/Life%40NTU/

me and you and my medication

2009-03-06T00:23:00.011+08:00

It's night time and i'm all alone and it's raining outside. I decide to raid the stash in my medicine cabinet to relieve this song that's stuck in my head...

tonight it's just me and you and my medication

Found my way to the highway I don't wanna tell you the state Im in
I've had too much to smoke too much to drink where have I been
It feels like the stars are getting closer and the sky is closing in
And I don't know where to begin

We're all looking for something
To take away the pain

Me and you and my medication
Love is just a chemical creation
Synthetic sensation
Me you and my medication

The way back to the right track maybe you can help me find the door
Is it too much to ask, too much too fast, too much to ignore
It feels like your bodys getting closer but you seem so far away
Medicine make it ok

We're all looking for someone
To take away the pain

Can you feel it?
Do you feel it?
Coming down
You gotta get up
Can you get up
Off the ground
Can you hear it?
Can you hear me screaming?
Can you feel it?
Do you feel it?
Coming down
You gotta get up
Can you get up
Off the ground
I wanna hear it
Wanna hear you breathing

Were all addicted to something
That takes away the pain

or maybe i was just looking for something

to take away the pain

conspicuous conspiracies!

2009-03-03T12:08:00.007+08:00

As yussof looks at our country and marvels at how fast-paced a third-world country developed to first-world state, i begin to ponder what the secrets are to its success.

Great vision like no other

Many would revere Lee Kuan Yew and attribute the nation's accomplishment to his great vision and foresight, but in the process of great nation building we compromise with not chewing gum and paying high bus fares. Mistakes made by the government are hushed and downplayed by the media. Breeding Aedes Mosquitoes still ok. Yet breeding elitist MPs who learn really expensive cooking lessons are ignored. However yussof found all this acceptable.

Not until this...

The Merlion getting zapped.
It's not funny okay.

It was reported on the 28th of February that the 5th merlion, was struck by lightning during a thunderstorm, resulting in a huge bald patch as you can see in the picture above. This brought about mixed reaction from the general public, as yussof's reporter, yussof himself, found out.

sharon lee, 15, student (who happens to be my sister): hahahahaha mummy told me the merlion got struck damn funnyyyy!
Such insensitivity.

Mr Tan, 47, unemployed uncle rotting at kopitiam: this is an ominous sign. It's going to spell uncertainty and retrenchment to the nation...look even i'm unemployed!
A case of self-fulfilling prophecy.

Seng Shiong (not to be mistaken for the supermarket), 14, student/part time dota player: Aiyo the merlion si bei poor thing, stand there shoot water oso tio zap!
Heartwarming concern.

Tolkok Singh s/o N.G , 29, Prepaid card dealer : Slumdog Millionaire won 8 oscars!
Maybe lightning zapped him too.

It may go unnoticed to the public, but it doesn't escape Yussof. Lightning strikes either tall objects or really good conductors of electricity. Ask any primary school kid, even he would know that. Did lightning really strike the Merlion with such accuracy; to it's head?
Yussof's team of an investigator (we are hiring), intercepted this bit of information while doing it's hourly scan of the solar system.

After thorough decrypting, Yussof's team managed to decipher what the message seemed to be saying.

In the first few wavelengths, it's high frequency is decoded to mean: UGLY AND RIDICULOUS LOOKING.

Then in the following wavelengths, the creature behind seems to mention something about tolerating that UGLY THING for years and has warned us for a very long time, through crop circles, that one day it's gonna BLAST THAT UGLY creature.

In the last few wavelengths, it seems to say it's seen bad statues being erected in the over civilisations and generations but not something to such a bad extent and that whoever invented such an ugly Mer...

And that's all our team could intercept.

Was the merlion's bald spot of extra-terrestrial origins?

Now this makes u wonder why all this bizarre shinanigans are happening. Things have been set into motion. Why exactly did the 4th year NTU student stab his professor? Or was it some goofy form of ALIEN MIND CONTROL... Why did they suddenly excavate a "world war 2" dud bomb at some site? Who saw that it was a bomb anyway?

It's about time we start to question our newspapers and their credibility. It's about time to stop hiding.

and maybe about time i stopped these aze oil jokes. hehe

axe man

2009-02-27T17:16:00.002+08:00

Yussof suffered a real bad bout of sporadic gastricular convulsions almost the entire week. In other words, my stomach really just cramped up on me and it was so painful such that it surpassed my threshold for tolerance of pain and i vowed to opt for caesarian instead of normal childbirth.

Anyways my epicureans Shane and Mel accompanied me to see a useless doctor and on the way, Shane got me a bottle of Axe Brand Oil. At first i told him not to, but he insisted.

He really shouldn't have.

I was fascinated with what this oil could do as i caressed the liquid over my abdomen. I mean it certainly has the uncle-aunty smell la cos they like to use it...but here are some radical new ways to use it!

Check out the latest Axe Box.

Meet the most powerful mutant, Professor Axe.

and in the meantime, get the cool mean axe tatoo to show u're cool and mean and hip.

"Ask any Malaysian the best medicine for nausea, colds, headaches and stomach-aches and you'll instanty get the same reply: "Minyak Angin Cap Kapak". Literally translated as "Oil For Wind Axe Brand", the Minyak Angin Cap Kapak has become my loyal companion to relieve pain."
-a malaysian sauce

I wonder which genius of a singaporean came up with such a powerful concoction. A universal oil to ease all pain, headaches and swells? Sounds abit too good to be true la. Hecks, i dun even know what i'm rubbing on my tummy now! So dubious.

I JUST CHECKED ITS CONTENT, IT SAYS IT CONTAINS PLATYPUS EXTRACTS. YIKES!

oh wait i read wrongly, it's eucalyptus extract. *sheepish smile*

In the meantime, this whole stomach-pain episode has robbed me of my last week spent relief teaching at macpherson secondary school! It has been a short but great two months teaching Fine Arts to the creative minds of our youth. In this short period of time i have gotten to know the entire secondary one cohort, since it's only 6 classes! Secondary Ones are generally irritating but as usual there are some really great kids out there.

And getting to teach the sec2s this year was also a pleasure, since i taught most of YOU ALL science last year. It was a refreshing change and yeah I enjoyed most of the lessons watching you all work and gossip and talk rubbish to me at the same time.

Sec 2E! Haha i never regretted taking up this extra class. At first i was taking only 10 classes and due to some circumstances, i had to take over your art lessons... I was a little unsure cos i didn't take you guys in sec 1, but 2E is a great class with many exciting individuals. Some with really a flair in art too. Thanks for all the fun and great memories!

Sadly i couldn't bid everyone goodbye but i don't think this will be the last you'll be seeing of me!

Sometimes when plagued with stomachaches we search for a cure.Sometimes when we're fazed with problems, we search for the answers. But most of the time, how sure are we that the answers we find are the right ones? Do we just find an axe-brand oil to just rub it all away...?

Let's just rub and see if it goes away.

a dash of valentines'

2009-02-20T00:57:00.012+08:00

Hello.

On the 14th of February while many worried over being dateless and were distressed with their impending date, I attended the wake of my grandmother.

It wasn't all that sad at first, rather it was a great morning. To quote my primary school chinese compositions, the morning was feng he re li*( it was a great morning). Nearing the end of the wake, the pastor read a beautiful poem that jolted me out of my blogging slumber.
It was a long poem and according to Yussofstatistics, people wudden read a long poem on a blog even if u rewarded them with ice-cream. So here is a short extract!

The poem was by Linda Ellis, titled the Dash.

He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth...
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

Before i could let those words sink in, we were called to gather around the coffin for a final prayer and then to bid our last goodbyes. I wanted to be place my hands on the coffin to say goodbye, but was too embarrased to do so in front of the crowd. So i decided to stay till there were less people watching me. Then i tapped the coffin and whispered a solemn goodbye. But i wasn't the last one to place my hands on the coffin, for i did not realise my grandfather in the corner of my blurred peripherals. I stole a glimpse and witnessed the most heartwrenching scene.

He planted a kiss on the glass panel which revealed her face and said "bye dear".

It is said the shortest verse in the bible is John 11:35: "Jesus wept."

In the most non-blasphemous sense, this shud be the shortest descriptive sentence in uncleyussof post, "Yussof teared". And no it wasn't a speck of sand in my eyes.

I was bewildered and highly distraught at that moment, not knowing how to feel, but there was this one song that kept playing in my head. To express my grief in another form than playing Muse on distortion, I felt that i had to share this song with everyone.

And it came to me then that every plan,
Is a tiny prayer to father time,
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU,
That reeked of piss and 409.
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself,
That I’d already taken too much today.
As each descending peak on the LCD,
Took you a little farther away from me.
Away from me.

Amongst the vending machines,
And year old magazines,
In a place where we only say goodbye.
It stung like a violent wind,
That our memories depend,
On a faulty camera in our minds.
And I knew that you were a truth,
I would rather lose,
Than to have never lain beside at all.

Then I looked around at all the eyes on the ground,
As the TV entertained itself.
'Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting room,
Just nervous paces bracing for bad news.
Then the nurse comes round,
And everyone lifts their heads.
And I’m thinking of what Sarah said,
That love is watching someone die.

So who’s going to watch you die?

What Sarah Said - Death Cab for Cutie

In my broadened perspective, the person who took your first kiss doesn't really matter. It's the person who kissed you last that truly loves you. Perhaps that's what really matters.

a time to reflect

2009-01-05T17:02:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year everyone!

I know it's kinda late but i only wished Inch Chua happy new year today, hoping she would autograph my Allura cd.

2008 has passed as soon as it arrived. I recall December as a blur of intense fuzzy memories, like that after a hangover. Everything just hurried by without sparing me some time to savour them. In its wake, friends were not shown how appreciative i am to them and meaningful lessons of life were not grounded into memory.

Therefore, I would take this time i have to reflect upon the sweet memories of 2008. Everyone should actually take some time off to think about their ups and downs and probably meditate on the precious values Life has bestowed us.

And the old wise men know that it is imperative to reflect, anytime and anywhere.
(including outside watsons to comb your hair)

Be sure to return for more 2009 Uncleyussof rubbish!

I feel like a Hero?

2008-11-30T04:00:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone!
I'm still alive. Half alive actually. But it's good to be alive. Isn't it?

(get crab when u're alive)

From the recent lack of activity in my blog, u might have assumed I got killed...
Maybe as a matyr from Hesbolah.
Invertedly crucified for being a Christian.
Or as a noble test subject for a vaccine gone wrong.
Maybe shielding a bullet for my buddy in World War 4.
Maybe while I was picking up a stray ball a kid dropped along the road by a speeding car, which was rushing to the hospital with an expectant mother, knocked into me.

Or perhaps by a flower pot which was knocked over by the wind.
Maybe even the lightning struck me cos i did not send the sms to 10 of my true friends.
Or maybe getting dengue for the third time.
Or worse, dying in my sleep for no apparent reason.

Thing is, we all don't wanna die insignificantly. We kinda live for a reason.
And living, in my definition, isn't just possessing the ability to generate income in a luxurious office and drive home comfortably in a BMW.

Living is accomplishing something extraordinary.
Something you knew you were born to do.
Something you knew you HAD to do.
Some sort of calling of greater, higher order.
Commonly suggested as "Divine purpose" or "destiny".
Like you knew all your life you were made for that moment.

Wait wait. Does anyone remember...
Alex the lion from Madagascar?

Or Po from Kungfu Panda?
How about Wall.E?

Hollywood seems to agree with Yussof that there is this innate calling that leads us towards the Master Plan. Hollywood agrees that everyone is significant, important and equally, if not more purposeful. Hollywood feeds us hope that life probably isn't as mundane as it seems... And what a better way than to ingrain these notions to the children of the next generation via animated films.

Alex the lion, whom i suspect is homosexual (why the selection of the unisex name Alex?) loves to sing, dance and entertain. Alex realises he is different from the other lions. However Alex persues his passion to entertain despite his setbacks. All to prove the point that no matter how different you are, how society discriminates you and how biologically inapt you are, you shouldn't be ashamed of it. This point is fully manifested when he does his bar-top dancing thingy in the forest to save his father and gain his approval.

Po, the "Kungfu Panda" had a dream and no it wasn't the noodle dream. He dreamt of becoming the best fighter in the world. Despite criticism from everyone he knew, Po was deemed to be "predestined" when he landed in the middle of the selection of the Dragon Warrior thingy. Eventually, he was awarded the dragon scroll which supposedly contains the moves to defeat Arch-enemy Tai Lung. Everyone remembers what was in the dragon scroll. Nothing. Why?
Because you already have the secret ingredient in you.

...which i'm kinda skeptical of. It is easy to forget the painful training and constant humiliation Po went through in order to get to read the scroll. Yet Po defeated Tai Lung because he was himself.

Which is a powerful message sent across. That we have it in us. That it's okay to be who you are. That qualities from others need not be acquired...because you just have to be who you are. There becomes no inquisition of knowledge, no strive for improvement, lack of conscientiousness we Asians boast and diligence to master a skill. Just because you already have it in you. Chill mate.

Perhap's Pixar's Wall.E (Waste Allocation Load Lifter. Earth-class) gives a more realistic scenario. Going about cleaning up the thrash and finding a plant. Being cooped up in his daily routine, Wall.E still achieves a greater purpose. And even finds love.

Are we to pursue this purpose, or let the hands of destiny pick us? Some people live their lives searching for this purpose in vain. Some live their lives oblivious to their fullest potential. Maybe it's just not for us to decide.

I once felt that leading a church camp was something close to my purpose. I used to think about it relentlessly and had a great influx of ideas. Yet as it approaches I suddenly feel small, insignificant to this powerful force that overwhelms and seizes authority . Suddenly the camp advisor doesn't feel in control. Maybe this was meant to be.The dolby cinematic stereos thunders the enemy's footsteps.
Tai Lung approaches the temple for his final battle with Po.

if comedic batman got darker,
so did uncleyussof.

Sacks in the Sea Tea s01e01

2008-10-31T15:54:00.009+08:00

Reviewing my previous mindless post, I realised I needed something substantial to blog about.
I kept a constant lookout and let's just say i was inspired by this lady i met every night for the past week. Her name is Carrie Bradshaw.

Therefore, emulating her pursuit for unanswerable answers and her inquenchable thirst for knowledge and men, i set out to write my own column...

It goes by the title of Sacks in the Sea Tea.
OKAY OKAY i know the title sounds peculiarly familiar and reading it aloud definitely rings a bell. However, Sacks in the Sea Tea is purely original! I mean, whoever remembers the name of the original bubble tea...it's the contents that matter!

It was a typical wednesday afternoon and i was late for Sociology lectures again so i stumbled to my seat in a fashionably late manner and tried to pay attention to my lecturer whom i suspected was gay. I have nothing against gays though. Just that I thought if my lecturer was gay, i felt it was a personal responsibility to let my fellow lecture mates know the truth. Since the first lecture i was already determined to expose him! Moreover he was wearing a sleek black polka-dotted shirt today. By the end of the course, the truth will be out. This is just the sub-plot.

Back to my story! As my lecturer rattled off about Talcott Parsons and his perspective of social order, i tried to find my own social order. I turned left to admire my BF's (betrayal friend) bangs...

it's much shorter now actually...it's the length of Ah Wang's

...only to realise I wasn't the only one not paying attention to Sociology. There he sat with a look on his face that suggested he was thinking of a girl who did not reciprocate his feelings for her. After Amelia turned around suddenly, in the midst of Structural Functionalism, to acknowledge my presence by telling me she didn't know i was in the same lecture as her, I decided i should give my BF something else to think about.

The last time i gave him something to think about was when we were working. Together, we figured out how many holes there were in this basket. There were exactly 693 holes.

This time, i was sure my question was more mentally challenging.

In case the picture doesn't load on your iphones, my question reads:
"Is it okay to flirt when you are in a relationship?"

Being a well trained JC student, my BF was quick to point out there's an extent to which one should flirt when in a relationship. He asked me in return how i knew if a girl was flirting. She could be naturally friendly?

True. It dawned upon me that perhaps it was a matter of perspective. It's just a guy's interpretation of her actions that makes one conclude a girl is actually flirting. However to her she may not be flirting at all. I mean, which honest girl would confess she is flirting rite.

Also a well trained JC student, i decided i should define what flirting means. Flirting is the act of behaving in a manner that attracts the attention of a specific member of the opposite sex. (This was not copied from dictionary.com i promise) Armed with this definition, i was bent on finding out if it was okay to flirt when you are already in a relationship.

Cassanovas, playboys and Charlene think it's ok! I mean why not right? Firstly, flirting is purely harmless. It does not hurt any party, it was not forbidden in the Bible and besides, it could be a really important tool in the corporate world! The idea of the ability to flirt as a social climbing instrument was intrigueging.

When Mel called to ask me out for an early break, I decided to let her into my question too. It must be trendy to reply a question with another. She replied "How would u feel if you saw your girlfriend flirting?" Her question left me stumped. I didn't wanna find out, yet deep inside something in me cringed. What she implied was that flirting could seem harmless until your partner witnesses you flirting. Probably by then you would be in deep faeces and if your partner is fierce she might just bite you.

Then it depends on his/her intentions. Maybe your partner is REALLY a friendly person? I've come to realise there's a really thin line between being friendly and flirting when it comes to 2 people of the opposite sex. It is inevitable we crave for the opposite sex's attention! So when our thoughts are actually expressed in our action, would the opposite sex perceive it as flirting?

Intentions. What are his/her intentions? A nobody hears the cry of a drowning man in the sea. He jumps into the sea and tries to save the man, but dies trying. Christopher Lee hears a man drowning in the Fountain of Wealth. He jumps in and saves the man and makes sure his photographers capture this so that he can appear on 8 days as a celebrated hero. The intentions behind everyone's actions are important. If your intention is to flirt, then you are flirting.

I asked Ah Meng Jie what she thought about my question. Should one flirt in a relationship? She reminded me she was the traditional type of girl and there was no more discussion after that. So a conservative person would not flirt when she's in a relationship? I examined what values a conventional goody-two-shoes girl would possess and 'loyalty' stuck out like a sore thumb. Perhaps it was as simple as showing whose side you were on. You were either loyal to you partner, sticking by him/her, or you were not.

Queen K is a really amiable person. When i asked her, she said she would discuss it at Island Creamary, however we went to Peaberry and Pretzel that night instead. She never really discussed it either, but i thought Queen K examplified excitement. If neither party flirts or show attention to the opposite sex, would the relationship turn dull? Maybe flirting does increase his/her worth and therefore, his/her partner would come to appreciate more?

I guessed i was heading somewhere with this discussion. I was heading into a brick wall. No one gave me an answer that suggested flirting was wrong. Rather, they only added fuel to the fire! A conclusion is essential in every essay. I need to conclude.

I concluded that an open and honest relationship is most important. It depends on every couple to set their own rules. If one couple should decide they are not mutually exclusive and they can be overly warm to the opposite sex, then maybe it's just the characters of the couple expressing itself.

If a couple realise they are both conservative and they would feel hurt each other should they flirt, then sooner or later they would agree that they will keep a friendly, platonic relationship with their acquaintances. No suggestive connotations no flirting.

What if a couple lacks the trust and keeps thinking the other party is flirting? Well then there are issues. Once they are cleared, the problem solves itself. Once the trust is built, one's actions would not seem to be flirting and therefore there is no flirting. That's maybe when you know you are in a relationship. (:

X-men vs Heroes

2008-10-26T14:23:00.008+08:00

10 years ago, there was X-men.
A decade later, there's Heroes.

10 years ago, there was Wolverine.
A decade later, there's Claire Bennett.

Both have regenerative powers.

Since Claire thinks she has insufficient offensive abilities, dear scriptwriters of Heroes, please put her through Weapon X and give her adamantium bones and claws so that she can castrate Arthur Petrelli. Please!

10years ago there was Professor X.
A decade later there's Matt Parkman.

Both have telepathic abilities. But why not give Parkman a wheelchair too, let him pace the turtle he speaks to...

10years ago there was Beast.
A decade later there's still a beast, but he's named Mohinder Suresh.

oops.

Both beasts hide away from the world, too afraid to be seen. Both scientists in pursuit to find a cure. However, one is a blue friendly beast, while the other is a horny monster.

Wishing Mohinder and the community a Happy Deepavali!

I am become Death

2008-10-19T22:00:00.007+08:00

This commemorates Uncle Yussof's 100th post.

For Ah Meng's story, please visit http://emm-jaye.blogspot.com/2008/09/hiv-project.html

For K's story, do visit http://kellyislove.blogspot.com/2008_09_01_archive.html

On the other hand, i've been feeling so dead. I lay in bed for a week recovering from sickness and feel so drained almost every other day. Life really is taking its toll. Companions become scarce. School gets fearful. However unlike a HIV patient, I have hope. And i'm hoping something happens that will bring me to life once again...

For now, i am become Death.

doubles

2008-09-29T00:35:00.004+08:00

I was sending Unclekai off on a quiet weekday evening. Changi Airport Terminal 1 was at it's usual departure buzz, with the multinational crowd dragging their luggage to their respective rows, eager to check in their luggages. All was peaceful and slow and the only hype seemed to be coming from a bunch of guys who were cam-whoring.

The guys who were cam-whoring and UncleKai in his book-out attire.

The japanese at the airport always gain the most attention. Be it the sexy forty year old mum dragging her two terribly adorable kids across the dull airport marble. Or the greying business man who looks like Takeshi 15 years later. Or their schoolgirls peering from behind their glasses and maps, excited yet apprehensive about their exchange program. Singaporeans adore Japanese. Clueless about 'sushi' and get ready to face life imprisonment.

Then the koreans who we are very familiar with the their melodramtic drama series and their instant noodles. Slurp. And slurp once again when their schoolgirls arrive for their exchange program...

Then there are the Australians who greet you "good day" even when they probably had their worst.

Then there are the bunch of Bangladesh workers, who we amiably refer to as 'Banglas". They walk hand-in-hand everywhere and are often mistaken for the airport cleaners. What's worse, these days children grow up listening to stories not about the Big Bad Wolf, but the Big Black Bangla who rapes little girls. What a horrific story we tell.

And then there was this Chinese national. Even with my myopia she looked strangely familiar. Someone blurted "Li Jiawei" and that name churned a few mechanisms in my mind. Before you could say 'Feng Tianwei', i rushed up to her along with Mao Ge and caught her in the lift where we shared a brief exchange of mandarin. But that's not the point.

After staring at the picture (below) , besides noticing her double chin, i realised i did not have any stereotypical views on this Chinese National. How could I... Li Jiawei is a Singaporean.

To have applied for a HDB flat, enjoy grocery shopping in NTUC, laughed at Phua Chu Kang and sobbed at some mediocre channel 8 drama, chill at Changi Airport, found love in the city and heart-break similarly. Moreover, she donned the red and white jersey and sang the national anthem too.

She has fought hard for the silver medal and contributed much to Singapore, much more than income-oriented people who have contributed nothing more than abysmal birth rates.

Li Jiawei when I told her an extremely funny joke

but "cannot laugh till after the picture taken"

THIS WEEK, guess what gave Li Jiawei her constipated laughter look!

1) "Jiawei! Ronald Susilo is gay!"
2) "Jiawei! Ronald Susilo has a shuttle cock problem"
3) " Do you know who Wei Tian Feng is?"
4) " What is cooler than ice?"
5) "Jiawei, don't laugh you will reveal ur double chin!"
6) "Jiawei, do double-chins enhance your game at the table tennis doubles?"
7) (contribute any other answer in tagbox)

check out her blog at ilovepingpong.blogspot.com
no i'm kidding.

sweltering heat

2008-09-20T07:44:00.003+08:00

The extent people go to beat the heat.

Maybe it just slipped their minds they need electricity to work it.

Dear readers, it has been an extremely warm week. Please drink plenty of fluids and keep yourself hydrated and safe. (:

Till the next exciting post,
Uncleyussof.

xoxo-Geylang Unglam

2008-09-16T13:53:00.025+08:00

Goodmorning upper east siders!

Uncleyussof here.

Your one and only source to the scandalous lives of Geylang's elite.

On the 6th of September was social event of the year, Geylang Unglam.

The theme was Geylang where guests would be ushered to a poolside ambience fitted with pub-like music and treated to delectable D24 grade durian and an abundance of food.

Oh and there he is. Ivan Archibald putting a personal touch to his party decor.
How sweet.

The party began at nightfall, when most of the guests arrived fashionably late but stylishly on time.

Uncleyussof managed to catch a few candid moments...

House band: Epicurie playing acoustic favourites through the night.

Durian delight.

Most were sober.

some clearly weren't.
(tho no alcohol was served due to the suspicion that durian+alcohol=death)

But mostly happppyyy!

(jannies it's normal to find worms in durians. And it's so small!!!)

Some whacky people who still think it's their birthdays
and some lingering spirits from the 7th month who were long due to return.

At 9pm Ivan Archibald crooned his version of Your Call by Secondhand Serenade and Empty Apartment by Yellowcard.

At 9.10pm guest star Taoist Weiying sang Sweet Child impromptu.

Her first shot to fame.

At9.15pm, guests were separated into 2 OG groups. The first game was to open a durian in the fastest timing.

OG1 huffed and they puffed but they could not open the King of Fruits.

But finally a the group of savage men cracked the Da Durian Code to reveal its prize!
(literally the prize cos the winning group got to eat the contents haha)

At 9.30pm it was CHARADES and it was the best charades i ever watched. HAHA sadly i have to emphasize uncleyussof.blogspot.com is strictly a family oriented site and therefore the charades segment shall remain hush hush. Do check out facebook for the vids.

And so summarises the night of sleaziness. Social climbing teenagers have to rest too. Goodnight! Stay tuned to uncleyussof for more upper eastside mayhem. You know you love me.

-xoxo

...in which Season 2 Episode 3 releases TONIGHT!

If u haven't heard of Gossip Girl, you must be living in a pasar malam at Geylang Serai.

Gossip Girl is CWtv's enhanced teenage hyped up "Sex and the City".

Why do i watch it? I can't explain.

Hmm or maybe i can. Maybe I can relate to Blaire's bitchyness.

I know that look.
It's the oh-i'm-so-gonna-get back-at-you look.

Bitchy. And scheming and plotting and delightfully evil. She makes backstabbing look pretty. Could that explain my own eagerness to plot against someone? If you have been conversing with me recently, you would have heard a certain character who brings out the belligerence in me. Queen B just inspires me to plot and bitch to bring her down! *gnashes teeth* But upon reflection, this isn't who I am. I can't pull off lovable-bitch character. Btw I think girls should dress like Blair.

Conflicted like Nate Archibald. Like why won't my parents treat me like i'm twenty one. However, unlike Nate, I don't have emerald eyes and a smooth face. I like his hair though.

Nate's best friend, Chuck/Charles Bass, the local bad boy. I like the way he answers really difficult questions about himself. "Because I'm Chuck Bass." His ego would most likely lead him to get ostracised in any society, but not when he's wealthy. Cocky and arrogant character but turns all soft inside when he realises his feelings for Blair. He's everything you want to hate. But somehow there are times when you just need a friend like him.

When i first heard Serena van der woodsen's voice, i fell in love with her.
And her smile is lovely.

When i'm unsure of myself or when i try too hard, i'm a little j.

But Daniel Humphrey has got to be me, in a kinda warped sense. Dan is simple and determined and is surprised to be in love with his childhood sweetheart. When they broke up, he kinda sought to escape rather than to deal with his emotions. I wouldn't emphasise on what sort of escapism but I think i'm like that and I think i'm fine with that. Most importantly, Dan is down to earth and treasures relationships above all the material Manhattan has to offer.

Therefore in conclusion it doesn't really matter who I try to be, for my friends have always been beside me and been there for me and made me who I am.

I must say Geylang Unglam turned out perfect, simply because i collectively saw the people who cared for me together. It was a dream come true. The thank yous have been long due.

To Calvin : Thanks for EVERYTHING!
To Sab: for coming and your great presents!
To HJ and darren for being such good friends all these while.
To kh,renfu and wendy for simply coming.

To my scout brothers for winning both games at the party and for the warmth i always receive amongst the bullshit we share. To karthik for coming the next morning to clear the thrash.

To the ever supportive Shane and Mel.

To Apollo you guys rock.

To KKMC youths who weren't invited due to the complexity of the area, thanks for the gifts!
And to everyone else who could not make it, thank you for your wellwishes.

Adulthood here i come.

elation

2008-08-18T01:31:00.008+08:00

This is cause for my elation!

Notice my arm on her shoulder! (and cuteboiboi's eyes wandering off...)

Yussof: Can i put my arms on your shoulder?
Fiona Xie: (:
Yussof: Act like we're dammn good friends lyddat!
Fiona Xie: haha

Look at her nice BIG shades.

So nice of her to come and take photo with me la.
Besides wealth, authority and social status, BMWs and gadgets, it is definitely every guy's secret ambition to take a photo with fiona xie.
Yays. *ticks checklist*

Priscilla Chan has got to be the friendliest face on tv. She said 'please' when she queued up to take photo with me. HAHAHA

Approached Priscilla while she was carrying her sandy dirty sandals and obviously helpful yussof rendered his Premium Sandal Washing Services. But Priscilla's really very nice! Said she would wash it herself and come back to the queue later.

She came back all changed and ready for our photoshoot!
We broke into a conversation and were talking about this Ch5 show she was currently filming, called Calefair.

Yussof: Do you guys need calefair for ur filming?
Priscilla: Yeah yeah we actually need calefare at the background!
Yussof: Oh great then i can build sandcastles while you do your thing
Priscilla: Haha you can come back on tuesday we'll be filming our last episode. It's drizzling now so we can't continue
Yussof: Aww shucks.
Priscilla: You want to be calefare? I can actually get them to get ur name down and tell them you guys be the calefare.

At this point, i think i almost shed a tear. She was just too nice. You really don't have to be so nice you know Priscilla! I don't have a TV face, you don't have to pretend that i do!

Priscilla: ...but it's free la u dun get paid.
Yussof: Oh then it's okay my minimum wage is $10 per hour.
(yes engkiat for u i worked waayyy below minimum and my arms still aching!)

Yeah and Priscilla Chan was all smiles and oozing great personality.

Have u heard of Rebecca Lim? She starred in channel 5's En Bloc.

In other news...

China clinched both Gold and Silver in Beijing 2008 Olympics Table Tennis.

how to save a life

2008-08-12T01:26:00.000+08:00

On the morning of 12 August, after National Day post holidays, i entered Manjusri Secondary School in a daze, slightly disgruntled from the clerk's early morning summon. As i dragged myself to the staircase, i heard desperate purrs coming from the pond.

I smiled thinking Gary was in the viscinity! But sadly it wasn't.

The purrs got more incessant and grew louder. Almost wanting to shrug off the noise coming from a hungry cat, i decided to look into the pond. Yes i know of all places i'd look, i looked into the pond hoping to see a hungry cat.

I really did not know how to react when i saw a devastated kitten wrapping its soggy paws on the lone pipe in the middle of the pond. Thoughts were racing through my head and i knew i had to react faster than you could say 'pussycat dolls'.

But i said pussycat dolls 36 times and i was still rooted to the spot.

What on earth is a kitten be doing in the pond? Did it need koi food? Some cruel act by the students? Went skinny dipping last night? A science experiment with a hypothesis that a cat has nine lives?

Pussy cat dolls. I walked up to my designated class for a 20 mins baby sitting, my mind still with that poor kitten. Then the rain came.

When the bell rang and the students fleed from the classrooms, i led some students to share my burden with me. And there they saw the poor kitten shivering. At least they had an instinctive reaction, they whipped out their handphone cameras to snap pictures.

Suckers! I already beat them to that. But that's not the point. I asked a student where i could find help, he led me to this cleaner lady who instructed a cleaner uncle to head to the pond with a huge fishing net.

He climbed in trying to scoop the kitten out of the pond and then began Operation Save Kitten which thrilled the secondary ones as they cheered their new hero. However, the kitten refused to play its part and kept clinging on to the pipe.

Suddenly it began to swim to another direction! Every student gasped in unison. The cleaning lady grabbed the net and followed the kitten and with a swift swoop, she fished the kitten into her net. The kitten struggled and jumped out of the net with strength of Samson's and splattered onto the hard concrete floor.

More handphones appeared to take pictures of the shuddering cat which was suddenly thrust into the manjusri limelight. There was some sort of an applause and the students dispersed, readjusting back to their routines of mundane school life.

However, this was definitely a lesson beyond the textbook. A lesson of compassion, of reaction and resourcefulness. Yussof saved a drowning kitten.

but who's gonna save me when i'm drowning

it's a secret, pal

2008-07-24T11:58:00.005+08:00

During university orientation camps, like the ones i have just attended, it is almost imperative to play this Secret Pal (SP) game, which sort of has a structure such that your SP will be of the opposite sex and through the games you will find out more about your SP.

On the first night of Freshman Orientation Camp, i was blindfolded to meet my SP and i had a gruelling 3mins of asking her questions which i cleanly forgot once i got back to my room when the blindfolds were undone.

Gillian Chung is a Hong Kong based singer and best known as member of cantopop group, Twins. She was also known as the heroine in vampire slaying movie, The Twin Effect.

After 1 day of anticipation, my secret pal was revealed to me. Now i know why they needed me blindfolded. It would have been just too easy.

How could i not recognise her!

I followed the Edison scandal so closely.

How could i not recognise her!

We had to dance together. On stage. Thanks to Apollo who saboed me.
We had to walk Pasir Ris Park together.
We had to play silly, queer games together.

But Gillian did not take any other photos together with me. HAHA.

Either that or i promise i won't send my laptop for repair.

when i wake

2008-07-13T22:48:00.005+08:00

we dream alot in life.

big beautiful dreams.

and most of the time we crave to pursue it.

so i hopped into a tiny vessel of hope.

I did not know where it would take me

but it took me away.

I stared into the vastness of the majestic sea...

and deliberated of venturing out.

But a voice taught me valuable things

...on holding on to what I had to

and deciding when to let go.

and in the process find myself.

Then when i had to wake, i felt a sense of excitement.

We dream alot in life.

This post is best viewed in two different perspectives.

-Wakeboarding
-Life

Bob Beats!

2008-07-12T01:34:00.004+08:00

Never wanted to let personal affairs spill into more important Yussof affairs.

Many apologies!

Yuppp to make up for it i've gathered the best music videos of my favouritest artiste, Sponge Bob! For your entertainment only! These videos are really good! They are synchronised to the exact rhythym of the song.

WATCH WATCH!!!

Annnnddddd first up, Squidward's Band!

Next up, we have Bleed it Out!

Lead Vox: Squidward
Guitar/Backup: Spongebob SquarePants
Drums: Patrick
Keyboard: Mr Krabbs
Trumpet: Plankton

Give it up for Spongebob with his next song, Jenny!

Do i hear ENCORE?

Hey there Dellilah goes out to all Yussof fans and Spongebob fans! YOU GUYS ROCK!

Before we leave, would like all of you to have a listen to our original...
GOOFY GOOBER ROCK!

...and rock and roll saves the day.

say goodnite

2008-07-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

I could have selected a Jimmy Eat World, Taking Back Sunday, DCFC, Vertical Horizon, Dashboard, Secondhand Serenade song, but what the heck.
The Click Five it shall be.

I'm not a crazy chick fan of The Click Five really.
It just happens that just a few minutes ago Alvin sent me this song; Say Goodnight.

It describes...

Our separation has its faults
But I don't wanna leave it all
So write the letters in teary ink
I just need some time to think
And I just need some time to breathe

[Chorus]
Baby just say goodnight
I'll be gone tomorrow
Baby just close your eyes
I can't take the sorrow
Baby just walk away
You know I can't stay
There's no easy way to say goodbye
So baby just say goodnight

We're in a spell that never ends
The empty hourglass wore me thin
So let the phone do its work
Your voice is heaven
But it hurts
Your words are memories
But they burn

Baby don't say goodbye
Baby just close your eyes
And dream,tomorrow's on its way
So just walk away

Don't wanna be a burden. Don't want your happiness to hinge on me. Don't want your happiness to hinge on me to be a burden. Don't want to find out i don't know what i want.

I'm struggling to be true to myself.

MRT stations to avoid

2008-07-03T00:32:00.006+08:00

Contradictory to don't drink and drive,
don't play MRT station games and drink.

Yio jacks himself Chu Kang and Tiong mistake me for tanjong pagar Bahru

Chinese so extra choose this station Gardens

Tanah expensive chips Merah

Admiralttikoy

Bukit smack daaamn hard Buttock

tiko smile

Buona kok Vista and Bukit botak Gombak

and Euro 2008 ended with Spain winning

and homeless-looking drunkards lying in a house.

got smarter

2008-06-18T02:27:00.007+08:00

Chief: Agent 89!

Agent89: Yes Chief!

Chief: Do you know why you are Agent89.

Agent89: No Chief.

Chief: to commemorate the eighty ninth post on uncleyussof, dimwit!

Agent89: Yes Chief.

Chief: What do you have to say about that?

Agent89: That was a sucker punch to the gonads chief.
Agent89: Chief I got a question.

Chief: Go ahead.

Agent89: Why are you called Chief, Chief?

Uncleyussof: Let's not digress here...

Agent89: Why?

Uncleyussof: ...before i fire you.

Agent89: Yesss...yesss boss.

Chief: I've got a job for you agent 89!

Agent89: It's my honour Chief!

Chief: We have noticed unusual activity in the streets of Geylang Lorong 14. We need you, Agent89, to watch Geylang Lorong 14 closely! You will move out tonight.

Agent89: I'm on my way chief!

That night, Agent89 kept a very close watch on Geylang Lorong 14.
he took photos of every angle possible of Lorong 14.

With agents like these, Mas Selamat confirm can escape from prison la.
Hey wait, he did escape.

the above was inspired by the latest movie i watched: Get Selamat.

okiee seowzharboh made me do this so...

Firsts
best friend: Kelvin
pet: a spider named Spider
piercing: jieying dun lemme pierce
crush: a mosquito since my mom rewarded me with icecream everytime i crushed one
cd: NOW (green cover)
car: i'll keep u updated
stuffed animal: Duck and after 5years it got smelly
place i called home: Victoria School at kallang bahru (Castlegreen is the second)

Last
beverage: chrysanthemum tea (just for the sake of spelling chrysanthemum)
car ride: randall's van
movie: Get Selamat
phonecall: Jade Seah
song listened: Stay Close, Don't Go
bubblebath: yesterday
time i cried: while watching Blood Diamond on Father's Day
ate: dinner
bad thing i did: trick yongquan

What i'm wearing now: my heart on my sleeve

Things i did today: i lived

Favorite things: definitely not answering these

things i wanna do before i die: say my last words according to script and then close my eyes as the spotlights fade

faves

2008-06-15T22:28:00.004+08:00

humour at it's most raw form

Dear readers,

if u move Mr Piggy Pork (my mouse is affectionately named according to his appearance) to the column on the right, u would notice that Uncle Yussof has included a new FAVOURITES section which gives u the top 10 posts in uncleyussof.blogspot. Do check out these old posts. Can't get enough? Go through adilfitri archives!

always providing the thrash

Uncle Yussof.

good listener

2008-06-13T13:45:00.006+08:00

In the final session of my BOTC (boring officer training course), the workshop lady asked us to make one word with these 2 words:

NEW DOOR

So as everyone was asking for more hints and clues and wat's the first alphabet, my mind clicked. Call it yussof instincts or luck, i replied "one word".

If we all could just listen to what everyone has to say first.
Everyone appreciates a good listener.

i need a haircut

2008-06-10T20:35:00.004+08:00

Barbers these days come in all shapes and sizes.

and the places u'd least expect to find them:

Behind two flags.

Let's see what lies behind...

There. He. Is.

Do you remember watching movies where they would portray this huge fraternity dabbled with unspoken rules and secrets? There was hierachy and rank. The people in the higher echelons were revered and well known. They did not speak of him, because there was none like him.

and there is none other than him, The Barber, s/o another Barber.
He is the banglas' best kept secret.

Look at the barber queue below. Har har har.

Millions flock to The Barber to get their desired hair cut, since The B Times claim that The Barber's family heirloom is the very legendary scissors that cut Man's first hair. You can see it tightly clasped in his hands, swiftly moving like shadows as he sheds his customers' musky locks. The Barber is apparently friendly, but is said to get very cross if you say his mother no hair. (which is a common insult amongst youths)

All in all, many love The Barber and would make their haircut pilgrimage from Jurong to Geylang.
and apparently, they don't mind the ambience.

For anyone looking for a haircut, Uncle Yussof gives this place 4 stars.

Why four stars?
Because, four recently formed stars in the Orion nebula show what the solar system might have looked like at its birth some 4.6 billion years ago. Gravity collapsed dense globules of dust and gas into each of the four stars. The outer material formed into the surrounding protoplanetary disks, which are believed to be the precursors of planets. The bright glow in each image is the star, and the dark oval is the protoplanetary disk seen at an angle.

Do drop by and give this place a chance. Never judge a barber by his stall, or lack thereof.

running away

2008-06-09T23:59:00.002+08:00

careful, long wordy entry ahead!

I'll tell you what is ironic. Today marks my graduation from Comfort Driving Centre. Today marks the day i secure the coveted driving license. Yet i decided to celebrate it with a 4km run.

I had many thoughts of alternatives to start off this post while i was running, the other alternative being how sab and amanda quibbled over the preference of swimming or running. I chose the latter, reason simply because while swimming, i fear drowning. When i'm running, i'm free.

When i'm running, i'm free. I started off with big enthusiastic steps out of my front gate and soon found myself pacing cars on the nicoll highway. Big hasty steps were accompanied with the roaring excitement of letting my depraved mind loose, of setting it free to chase the shadows of the wind.

The 4.30pm sunshine and the afternoon breeze is perfect stimulant to the mind. Somehow its mechanism is oiled and it works in ways unfathomable. Your mind seems to run ahead of you. Nothing is for the moment.

Enjoying the automatic state my mind was clicking into, a helpful nerve/cell/tissue decided it was practical to etch it somewhere in my memory so i could blog about it. Yes, finally, to fulfil what blogs were meant to do. To type out whatever that is on your mind, and not to type thrash and post spastic pictures which i have been doing. Today, Uncleyussof seeks to satisfy the conventional definition of a blog.

Plus point about running, thoughts seem to stream out of this tiny pinhole. One at a time. Problems seem to become stupefyingly easy to solve. Reasoning becomes sincere. Ideals seem more achievable.

So a list of things i have to do streams out of my mind too, like the receipt that churns out of the NTUC counter when your parents do their grocery shopping. To email yinghock to update him, to reply Justin to turn down his Lifegroup Outing, to type out in Excel Format the Bagpipe members, to persuade my dad to get me a car and a laptop, to pack my room, to prepare for the upcoming Indoor Picnic in church this sunday, just to mention a few administrative stuff.

Oh great i was even inspired with a quote while running.

" True Love is only found in retrospect"

-Uncle Yussof ( 100% genuine quote)

I found myself running a little slower now. My strides were long but significantly slower. I was wondering why life is so dramatic, or rather, why people solve other problems with so much ease but struggle with their own. I'm thinking of jieying as i type this. Am i problem?

My running routes always vary. But it's always the same place. I started to take smaller steps and was too self absorbed to notice the tranquility of kallang river. I mean it's not the nicest of "rivers", moreover it's more a super huge drain or canal. Just can't help it, I still am a sucker for large water bodies.

I was thinking if I was moulding Mitochondria (my cell group) correctly. As a leader i must admit i have been rather radical in the ways i have led. I mean physically tying up my members to go for service wasn't exactly a proud achievement. I've had bad experiences leading a cell group too. I don't think i would find the answers, but after the Kungfu Panda movie outing yesterday, i think God certainly has a plan for this small cell.

I think i was smiling when i made another mental note to myself to write about the 9 members of mitochondria in my diary. These are the secrets I will never tell.

I was wondering if i was being a good friend to others, or which were the defining moments i have proven to be a good friend. I cannot emphasize any less that friends are truly the most valued things i have. With that i summarise the chunk loads of thoughts i had of all of you.

Oh yes Allura just released their Ep. I'm wondering when i can get my hands on it! I bent down to tie my left shoelace which undid itself. I looked ahead and realised i already covered half my journey.

University life seems like a mystery. I'm heading down to the talk this thursday.

And just like university life, in terms of importance and obscurity, I am thinking what the next post of Uncleyussof shall be.

I was wondering why petrol prices are at $139 per barrel.

I was wondering when i would get my room packed, or my wardrobe sorted out, or my sheets changed, or my haircut, or my nails trimmed, or my next facial.

I was also thinking of reviews for this post, because the people who read the blog could face information overload. I'm not a fan of long wordy posts either.

Yet contradictory to that thought, i feel like i've left out so many things I've thought about during the run.

The gate in front of me seemed somewhat familiar. Oh. I was back home already. I gladly recognised the disorganised pattern of thoughts which skuttled across my mind, just like the small fence lizards which skurried across my paths just now.

Oh did i tell u i passed my driving practical?

scanner madness

2008-05-30T15:05:00.005+08:00

In retrospect, scanner days were more fun than web-cam days.

scan your face

scan your palm

scan whatever that's around you

Bring back the good old times will ya.

an economics view on Peak Oil

2008-05-28T10:49:00.008+08:00

Peak oil is the point in time when the maximum rate of global petroleum production is reached which the rate of production enters its terminal decline.

In terms of 2007 inflation adjusted dollars, the price of oil peaked in May at over $135 per barrel.

I guess we are living in the times of peak oil.

So who could actually determine the time when oil price would peak? Given today's technology and accessibility to information, theorists can actually predict when price of oil would surge, although the only accurate way to determine Peak Oil would be in retrospect. Obviously the world doesn't need Uncle Yussof to come up with theories. Theorist such as M. King Hubbert have long predicted that Peak Oil would occur, while other theorists dispute the claim of Peak Oil, that the surge in oil price are solely due to socio-economic or political factors.

We have to understand that the widespread use of fossil fuels has been the impetus to economic growth since the industrial revolution. Therefore, what are the possible effects and consequences that Peak Oil might have on us? From a pessimistic point of view, human culture and technology could be forced into drastic change.

Obviously the world doesn't need Uncle Yussof to come up with theories. Theorist such as M. King Hubbert have long predicted that Peak Oil would occur, while other theorists dispute the claim of Peak Oil, that the surge in oil price are solely due to socio-economic or political factors.

In 2005, the US Department of Energy published a report titled Peaking of World Oil Production: Impacts, Mitigation and Risk Management, concluding several points.

1) Mitigation efforts are required and demands substantial time.
2) Both demand and supply would require attention.
3) Government intervention is required

oil should never be wasted like this

However could Peak Oil be viewed as a positive event?

As the number of oil reserves dip and the number of discoveries of oil diminishes, Peak Oil could very well force humankind into using alternative clean fuels and maybe even revolutionise our machines. Prior to the high oil prices, people opted for huge SUVs which were less fuel-efficient. Now trends have and should change. Hybrid and diesel vehicles have become popular. Ultimately, Peak Oil could help the world avoid global warming. The penguins will live. We will live.

In other news, on the 27th May, Uncle Yussof Oily Face Reserves Pte Ltd share prices suffered a scare when leading oil producer Uncle Yussof was nearly killed by a falling branch in Marine Parade.

"No really. I was walking towards the traffic light to Marine Parade Library and suddenly i heard a loud smash just behind me. Debris soiled my feet. I turned around to see the fallen log smashed to bits, just centimeters away from me. If i walked ONE SECOND slower, the log would have crashed into my head and i would have died. Then i would be labelled as the biggest loser in history to have been killed by a falling log. I would have died not knowing what even hit me. Therefore I'm so glad to even be alive right now." - Uncle Yussof

Uncle Yussof Oily Face Reserves Pte Ltd shares took a minor dip as FunWall Street closed yesterday but surged to a new high at midday today.

crime prevention

2008-05-22T23:16:00.004+08:00

this post is gonna be simple.

I LOVE YOU INDIANS!
I LOVE YOU CHINESE!
I LOVE YOU ANG MOHS!
I LOVE US MALAYS!

I believe that
Prevention is better than cure.

*big gulp*

new flavour: Abalone Cola

S.T.U.P.I.D Ep 7: Corrine May

2008-05-13T07:36:00.002+08:00

Singapore's Talent Undiscovered Please Introduce Dem

It's the month of May.
No better time than this to introduce local singer Corrine May!

Erm.
Corrine Foo May Ying, Singaporean singer-songwriter, isn't exactly a Singaporean Talent Undiscovered.

As a matter of fact, she's really well known in Asia and is currently based in Los Angeles. She studied in RGPS, RGS, RJC and NUS. Darn, that seems like the only route to success huh. Finally she pursued her music dreams in Berklee School of Music and thus becoming Singapore's very own Sarah Mclachlan (always had difficulty spelling her name).

MOVING ON,
yes yes for the 2nd time in Uncle Yussof history, you would be needing to turn up your volume control. Do take some time to listen and embrace the lyrics! Here's Five Loaves and Two Fishes.

Five Loaves and Two Fishes - Corrinne May

A little boy of thirteen
was on his way to school
He heard a crowd of people laughing
and he went to take a look

Thousands were listening
to the stories of one man
He spoke with such wisdom,
even the kids could understand

The hours passed so quickly
the day turned to night
Everyone was hungry
but there was no food in sight

The boy looked in his lunchbox
at the little that he had
He wasn't sure what good it'd do
there were thousands to be fed

but he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus
the kindness in His smile
and the boy cried out
with the trust of a child
he said:

"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will, I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
to feed them all"

I often think about that boy
when I'm feeling small
and I worry that the work I do
means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry
is a diamond in His hands
and every door that slams in my face
I will offer up in prayer
So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small

I trust in you
I trust in you

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
no gift is too small.

Don't be mistaken! I'm not a Corrine May fan. If you hear all her songs at one go, her voice becomes kinda monotonous. Randall from church wanted to play this song for worship and it's been etched in my mind since.

It just so happened that while i was giving out foolscap paper and string, (the stoopid string distributing is...treacherous) my mind was navigated to imeem.com and this song 5 loaves and 2 fishes started to play in my head! I was very sure i only took like a small bundle of 20 strings and perhaps 30 foolscap paper but as I distributed, the ball of string never seemed to diminish and the stack of foolscap was still thickly grasped in my palms. I distributed it to 4 classes. Maybe this was how it was done. I always had trouble imaginating how 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes could have been distribute to feed five thousand.

Well if you're not familiar with this story, it happened during the time when many had gathered to hear this strange man teach. It was getting late and the assistants of this man wanted to disperse the crowd, for "We have only 5 loaves and 2 fish," they replied. Miraculously, this man gave thanks, broke the bread and divided the fragments among His 12 assistants to satisfy the crowd of 5000 people. He made the impossible, possible. He made the little, aplenty.

Perhaps this is why this man claimed to be the Son of God.

Uncle Yussof is an encouraging uncle! Therefore here lies his kind words of encouragement; that no matter how insignificant YOU feel, or how little YOU may have to offer your friends or family, or however tiny YOU feel your life is...

...you are a gift
and no gift is too small.

Fe Male (iron man)

2008-05-06T22:33:00.007+08:00

students dread it, but so do teachers.

This is the
amount of
Lower Secondary
Science Mid Year
Exam Papers
that I have to mark.

I have no choice but to believe that I am...

I am I am a machine.

Yes yes i know this Iron Man joke is so darn cliched but heyyy i just had to give it a go! Haha!

2 classes of Express and 2 classes of Normal to mark... Whoa my very first task of such nature.

Yes I am a machine.

bangla magnet me

2008-05-03T19:33:00.002+08:00

Unlike last year, when i mistook Labour Day for Neighbour Day, I seized the opportune Public Holiday and decided to hit Sentosa for a beach getaway.

Wheehee!

Big mistake. It turned out to be such a bitch getaway. Labour Day is the day when our Foreign Talents (aka Bangla construction workers) get their well deserved off and coincidentally decide to head to Siloso Beach too.

Well, just remind me never

ever

EVER

ever

ever

go to Sentosa on Labour Day again. Ever.

To make the best out of the situation, I had to look up and far away.

Just don't. Ever.
Ever.

En Route Learning

2008-04-30T23:28:00.011+08:00

En Route is a French expression meaning "on the way".

En Route my exciting invigilating schedule (oh yeah do u sense the cynism) i was thinking of my Patrol Duties i was performing at Sembawang Wharves last year. I remember walking a variety of routes and i remember how much i complained as i dragged my rifle, my buddy and me. Today, however, the route i had to walk was idiot-proof (as shown above) and monotonous and lonely. Got me into quite a reflective mood.

this man is Mr Cheong Heng Yun

Yeahh this old man looks like he's a profanity spewing bus driver on the brink of retirement cussing at some innocent bangladesh who refuses to move to the rear of the bus. Last week on the 21st and 22nd, i went for a Relief Teaching Course at Teachers' Network, Grange Road. I was the only relief teacher from MPSS to go for this course and the queasiness of meeting strangers alone haunted me. Thankfully it was a small class and i met a BMT platoon mate there. Those two days were really inspiring and it was solely due to Mr Cheong Heng Yun. I have to mention this firstly because all my course mates said they wanted to google this name to see what they can rake up about him (hopefully uncleyussof.blogspot appears!) and secondly, because i believe the spirit of education manifests in this elderly man.

YAAATAAA!!!

...met this Hiro Nakumura lookalike dude too. Haha was highly tempted to ask him if I would strike toto in the future.

Besides his teachings on padegogies, this former Deputy Director of Education, Social Dept had a wealth load of experiences and stories to share. I was thoroughly impressed and highly embarrased when i sized Mr Cheong up on the first day and thought this old man would be wasting my 2 days of time. He spoke with such eloquence! It was uncanny at how i laughed at his jokes and how his tragedies moved me close to tears. I learnt that Teaching is a craft itself, an intricate craft that requires talent, skill and effort. I inferred that to be a great teacher, One has to teach with such wisdom, even kids can understand! Finally, i learnt that i wanted to be a teacher.

And over the weekend, I had to go for Basic Officer Training Course 2008 camp which was held in Pulai, Johor. Admist the many kiddy activities we had, I thought only this one was meaningful and worth mentioning!

The objective of this activity was to cross to the opposite bank without falling in.
Obviously I fell in on my first try.

I'm no tightrope walker.

There were many ways to approach this obstacle actually. Some held on to the fingers of the instructor occasionally to regain balance, some decided that they could cross the entire log by themselves and refused assistance. Others walked onto the log, then walked back onto the plank.

I held on to the instructors hands all the way.
Some call this behaviour humji.

Only when i reached the other side, it dawned upon me that i've learnt so much about myself through this activity! Firstly, i was very goal-oriented and i was definitely very afraid of failing again. Secondly, i was totally dependent on others around me and to meet my objective, i had to hold on to them all the way! That's how reliant I am on my friends, to see me through weal and woe,to the end.

It was definitely a fortnight of learning.

streetdirectory.com

2008-04-21T00:26:00.006+08:00

where u can't mind your own business

when u want a picture u google it

when u want information u wiki it

when u wanna go somewhere u streetdirectory.com it

sadly such a service is not available anymore.

"POPULAR online map StreetDirectory.com has shut down, after the company behind it, Virtual Map, lost its appeal against the Singapore Land Authority (SLA) over copyright infringement last week.
The SLA, which originally issued Virtual Map a licence for its maps of Singapore, sued the company in January 2007 for continuing to use the SLA maps even after the licence had expired.

Virtual Map lost it case in the District Court, and was ordered to stop using the infringing materials. It appealed to the High Court, but lost again.

The site was taken down said Virtual Map's managing director Firdhaus Akbar, but the company is currently working with a set of replacement, non-infringing maps, and hopes to bring the site back online in 'about two days'. " -The Straits Times 03 April 2008

2 weeks have passed.

And it has affected me greatly.

Last saturday night, Uncle Yussof wanted to go to the Esplanade for an evening of fine art and tasteful solace.However i could not find my way.
In the distance i thought i had arrived at my destination! There they were! Many familiar spikes protruded and gleamed in the pale moonlight.
Fine art and tasteful solace at last, or so i thought.
Instead, we spent the midnight getting scammed at Geylang for it's Mao Shan Wang $57 durian.

this is my online appeal for streetdirectory.com's return!

You see, i really need streetdirectory.com... I need my maps!
Sometimes all we need are readily available guides in our lives that we can turn to and approach, so that we never feel lost. Just so that we have that sense of security. Just so that at the end of the day, we don't end up at the wrong destination.

swing swing

2008-04-18T16:49:00.007+08:00

"swing swing from of tangles of

my heart is crushed by a former love

can u help me find a way to carry on again"

swing swing FOUR years ago.

swing swing today

what a degression.
You know teenagehood has left you (but i'm not an ahpek okayyyy idiot)
the moment u sit on a swing, and you feel out of place.
Your legs don't dangle anymore
and they somehow get in the way of all the fun.

and when u get old
like realllyy old
ur feet become a nuisance and you start to place them untidily on the seats of the bus occupying space and transmitting your sores and boils onto people's butts.
An epidemic is imminent i tell u. It's gonna be a pain in the ass. Literally.

everyday is a degression.

it's a weekend

2008-04-13T23:37:00.008+08:00

decided to blog about this weird weekend, 11th, 12th and 13th of April 2008.

It was an unexpected way to spend a weekend. It was rather herbal actually, like slow-brewing chinese tea. Clearly not the exciting, activity filled break i looked forward to every week, or to luxuriate in quality time with close friends.

Friday began a mad rush to Comfort driving centre where i concluded module 2, cabbed to church to get the Officer Cadet Orientation forms signed by Chaplain, then cabbed to tutor kid at Jalan Angerek. Afterwhich was another amazing race to the Expo to find that my Planet Shakers concert tickets were not needed, then the weekend declined to a slower pace travelling on the MRT to Cityhall for dinner. Finally had my much craved Oreo Shake at The Chocolate House by Max Brenner and some chocolate banana bread pudding... The day ended with sabbf squeezing her zits at the MRT station through the reflection on the pillars! Smooth faces like mine are hard to maintain la must admit...so no worries sab!

POP goes the pimple (to the tune of pop goes the weasel)

Saturday morning began with me hitting snooze with much remissness. Inertia from getting out of bed was enormous and when i struggled to get into my uniform, i realised I was running late for the Officer Cadet Course at BBHQ so once again i cabbed down and so began the painfully listless day. I turned out to be early and uncool and was assimilated into a group of older officers. Sijie and Guofeng turned up late and they were in a different group! So painful was the boredom and unfamiliar faces i began to morph into my lackadaisical, self-absorbed self. Thankfully sijie replied my listless complaints via sms with this:

really had to stifle my laughter lor wah piang

Spent the 15 minute break given at the Market where we brazenly took our time to eat Bak Kut Teh and sip on Teh Bing as if there was no governance in the BBHQ. Bo zheng hu lor literally. Arrived back at the lecture room 15mins late without much tact and were treated to weird, furtive stares.

Sijie says she was born a left hander, but writes with her right.
Guofeng said wiping ur ass is the only way to determine which is your primary hand.
It was still early so we decided to test Sijie's ambidexterity.

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

While the MOE dude was inspiring the others with his story of The Diving Bell and The Butterfly, in which Sijie summarised it for me in one sentence, we were writing with our left hands! Go figure which savage handwriting belongs to Uncleyussof.

Then there was still some more time.

Decided to write it upside down. It turned out neater i promise!

Other activities besides smsing my secretary included strategising sure-win techniques to the ancient strategic game of Tic-Tac-Toe (I WAS SHOCKED) and planting stray hair. Guofeng had alot of stray hair. I knew the day was ending when Guofeng had to leave early and Sijie slept soundly during the talk. I patronised an aunty officer who asked me how to sing the table grace but conveniently let it slip my mind.

However i guess i was meant to be there for one of the speeches by Mr Desmond Koh made alot of sense. He was talking about us planting the seeds of God's word into lives. I never converted anyone. I really pondered. But I've definitely sown seeds.

Today i delivered what i would consider an 'above average' discussion on God's will and plans for our lives in Mitochondria. I have grown as a cell group leader. It took me quite awhile to find my style and approach, but i think, by grace, i've found it.

I finished the last sip of the tea and left the insoluble components in a swirl.

We paint our sins on the ceiling
I keep them glued to my chest
It keeps me close like a promise kept

April's Fools

2008-04-07T19:26:00.001+08:00

It is not my humourous idea to post an April Fool's entry one week later.
However, wat's done is doneded.

I have derived at this post due to 3 crucial factors.

a decade under the influence of small sec one kids
+
spotting a grown up bangla carrying a retro funky old school Ninja Turtles school bag
+

and this being an April's Fools entry...
=
Uncle Yussof featuring the TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES.

Firstly, the kiasu concept of having so many funky elements in the TITLE of this cartoon is very Singaporean. We have the concept of firstly, a TEENAGER.

Actually not so nice teenagers...

...but the violent ones. Notice Weapon of Mass Destruction.

Then the concept of MUTANT.

shud be familiar with this one by now.

And we have the concept of NINJAS!

I like purple and cute ninjas.

...and then we have TURTLES.

this was BEFORE the mutant goo

this was AFTER the mutant goo.

In this entry, uncleyussof presents to u a new facebook application!

Which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle are You?

If you chose Leonardo, you are the Leader! You are the Elitist, always courageous, standing up for what you believe in, exuding confidence and definitely going to Officer Cadet School to get Sword of Honour. As if your two kantanas are not enough! Moreover, you are a shining example to the people around you, always the person that people wanna be. Moreover, u get along with your seniors really well (maybe u suck up to them at times) but all in all, you are always the Fearless One.

Donatello.You are the cool geek! When it comes to the field of science, you instinctively gain control of the conversation and update your less intellectual friends with what they do not know. You probably read alot of Torque or gadget magazines instead of Leonardo's FHM and Maxim. The team's confidence lies in your knowledge for you are the logical one behind every plan, resorting to peaceful settlement over violence. Should violence be the only resort, your gadgets tend to save the day. You most probably can repair your own PC when it crashes, u dismantle your electric guitar because it sounded a little fuzzy and you attend every PC show.

Michelangelo. You are the relack-one-corner dude who just binges on pizza and grow fat. Life is a breeze and you don't even have a worry! You are the comic relief, always seizing the opportunity to have fun and to make people laugh, to the extent of being the butt of the joke yourself. People tend to overlook you, but you are the one who offers the most delectable pizza when they are down. It is only natural for you to Mambo every Wednesday and Zouk on friday nights, saturday nights and watch EPL on Football channel on Sunday nights. I am very sure you wahjong too.

Raphael. The vigilante of the group. You are the idealist. You believe in progress, you believe your ideas are better and innovative, but most of the time you are put down due to the weight of society and their conservative mindsets. Therefore you rather work alone as the Nightwatcher. Most of the time you are the rebel, going against authorities and even your own brother, for you question how much better they are than you are. Other times u are the emo kid, reflecting on how life has been harsh on you, how u've been neglected and how no one understands your cause. You've gotta wipe off that mascara and mellow down, angsty teenager!

Things u never knew about TMNT:

-caused the pop-culture craze over Red-earred Terrapins and when the craze died down, it resulted in an ecology upset due to the release of many terrapins in the wild. Come on admit it you flushed one down the toiletbowl before!

-master splinter likes to watch the gilmore girls

-the turtles were named after Splinter's favourite rennaissance artists, Leonardo Da Vinci, Raphael Santi, Michelangelo Buonarotti and the sculptor Donatello.

-shredder is not a machine but a human.

-the mutant goo that mutated the turtles was called Mutagen. Sounds like some spinoff from Vitagen. Maybe that was how felicia chin seemed so...erm...mutated in this advertisement.

Invite your friends to add this application!
Select 10 friends to continue to view your results...

clouds on 27th March

2008-03-28T15:42:00.004+08:00

It was a typical morning.

Perhaps the breeze was fresher.
And the clouds looked bloatedly cute.
But it was a typical morning.

I took a bus to school.
Then walked to the school gate.
Still quite amazed at the geometry and geography at work.
I was very sure it felt much like a typical day.
However, 27th March marked the last day I would be teaching Design and Technology. I would be reliefing Mrs Lim to teach Secondary 1 Science instead. I know I was still going to teach in Macpherson Secondary and every student i taught would still wave to me.

But these were the students i grew accustomed to when i stepped into class the past 3 months. These were the faces i was greeted with every morning, just like the blue morning sky.

Thanks to 3I who participated in my lessons enthusiastically.
Thanks to 3F for their passion and effort to try to make every lesson my worst.
To 2B who make me feel i'm golden.
2D, 2F and 2G for the experience.

To all whom have engaged me with small talk while doing your design journal, i am glad i have made an impact in your lives. Just as some of you have made an impact in mine. I really have a greater perspective of life now and i do hope to hear from you when we meet along the corridors. (hopefully not with a corridor pass)

The word i've used most is "design journal". I seriously am unable to pronounce that word properly anymore.

I guess this is how the day ends. Beautiful, bewitching but quiet. It has to end.
Teaching secondary one kids would be a whole new adventure/ordeal for me.