Mova Pictura

Was experimenting with this picture of Calbin's birthday at Spruce.

Don't u just love .gif pics? I'm starting to get a hang of it.

Would love to blog like never before but exams are around the corner.

Why am i typing in point form.

Well maybe cos i only read stuff in point forms now.

Will blog like crazy once exams are over! Wait for me!

The emergence of 9gag

Yeah u know UncleYussof once ruled the Internet blogosphere. Champion of lame and King of Crap.

However the turn of the century has seen all that change. Sad. The world has blossomed with more crap talkers and more funnyshitheads. Equipped with technology, they have even bonded together and forged a league of undefeatable funny. Its sense of humour unparalleled, with creative expression overflowing.

They have come up with 9gag. And with its pop culture status 9gag receives today, visual humour is appreciated now more than ever.

I enjoy the entries on 9gag. I loathe how funnier others can get yet I love how like minded people exist.

They say if u cant beat them, join them. Therefore UncleYussof has decided to feed 9gag with some entries. Don't be too surprised if u see some of my entries!

What's more, I just recently was bequeathed with the excellent ivanphone and that's why at 5.44am right now after celebrating kenrick's birthday I am able to blog such shiit on the go!

Can't really say if I like the whole blogging on the go idea. I mean there's already twitter for that... But with the 190 character inhibition, blogging sort of becomes like....running around town naked.

Well u can tell blogging on the go doesn't really allow me to play with the fonts and colours. I should keep such posts short.

Do come back soon tho.
I've many stories to tell.

An unusual reminder

This is a reminder
to say whatever you have on your mind, no matter how sappy it is, to the person it concerns. Say it as soon as possible.

People usually leave such things to ill opportune timings when the words, once were gold, may sound scammish and bullshitty or worse, words with ulterior motives and hidden aggendas.

Don't wait, say it.

Rainy days

DAMP SOCKS

If your guy is willing to brave the rain
and get his socks damp to have lunch with you,
TREASURE HIM.

or take a photo of his damp socks and laugh at him, whichever works for you.

Ghouls of Halloween

While many spontaneous thrill seekers flocked to Sentosa in search of spooks and spectres this Halloween Weekend, paranormal activities were reported back in mainland Singapore.


Authorities, who were busy carving Jack-o-lanterns, were alerted by frantic park goers who spotted a creature lurking near Kallang Riverside Park. Intially dismissing the report as a hoax, the authorities sat upright upon hearing the roars of the creature.

Creature doing a "rawr".

Due to fears of mass hysteria, the Authorities filed for immediate injuction of the spread of the news on any social media platform (hence YOU not having the slightest clue this happened) and immediately called upon leaders of the field to investigate this matter.

Therefore, yours truly was summoned to the scene.

My first encounter with the creature was ...while it was sniffing flowers.

Which was quite a turn off since i expected a mega tonne fire breathing reptillian swaggering it's crushing spiked-ball tail exhaling toxic fumes and upsetting richter scales with each step it took. Well, you could say i was farely disappointed with how retarded the creature looked in reality.


Still, i did not let my guard down as i approached the unknown entity with much caution, drawing up battle plans simultaneously in my head.

Thought number 1: i obviously was no match for ANY creature, let alone an unclassified species like this one. Upon ANY signs that my life was in peril, i would run.

Thought number 2: in my most altruistic self, i would gather as much information of the creature for the good of all Singaporeans. For the good of the world. For the progress of Science. For the betterment of living.

A quick duck to the left, 3 sommersaults to the right and 26 leopard crawls northwest, i was next to the creature and safely in it's blindspot.

Peering at the creature's menacing jaws.

Made a mental note not to end up between those!

Big round yellow eyes.

Definitely not of asian origins.

A red secondary head on it's left.

A blue secondary head on it's right.

I remembered reading some theories from Supernatural Monsters Origins and Knowledge of Evolution (or SMOKE for short) and hence made my deductions for such a queer evolution of the existence of two secondary heads with different colours: to remind the main head which side it is facing. You know, like when sometimes you face your right and forget which side u're facing? Yeah you get my point...right?

Creature had a sturdy body, which strangely seemed to look like logs and pipes.

Oh wait, is the creature wearing a name tag???!

The fascinating sight of the creature's physique must have distracted me from my sole mission here, which was to gather information! Using my unique ability of READING, i could tell that R-i-v-e-r M-o-n-s-t-e-r spelt River Monster! I immediately sent back this useful intel to the Authorities eagerly waiting my every morsel of intelligence i had on the creature.



However, as you can see, the descriptions were either hieroglyphic or cryptic and it would take too long to decipher them. One thing was clear though, a River Monster has taken shore on our sunny island!

Suddenly another creature lunged towards me from nowhere!

I made 4 sommersaults back and sidestepped 7 times to a safer spot. That was close.

What... what on earth is this?!

My sudden movements must have started the River Monster. With a loud roar, (which sounded strangely like the horn of a ship) it surged towards the river bank and disappeared as the other creature scuttled away.

Should u encounter any similar creatures in Singapore, do contact lead paranormal investigator Uncle Yussof.

Remember friends,
Low Creature Report doesn't mean No Creature Report.

In the meantime, enjoy your Halloween!!!

Snippets of Fast(eat)ing Month

This was how fast-eating month went for me.


Oriental Buffet at Meltz, located at Marina Mandarin Hotel.

Wide selection of meat.

Super fresh sushi.

The best kebab ever!

You know how usually the kebab is like tough and dry? This kebab was like really succulent and tender!

Each slice of the cucumber's worth $1,
at Ippudo Tao, UE square. Not to be confused with United Square!

Corny dish.

Salad.

Doufu with chicken. Yummeh.

Chan Chan Yaki. What a kawaii name. Nowhere near yucky!

Time wasting dish. So much effort to roll it up, in one moutful it disappears. -_-

My main dish, chashu rice. Surprisingly good! Very tasty!

Time for some local favourites at Chompchomp! Satay!

Orh lua and carrot cake!

Onions!
(we ordered squid, got half a plate of onions instead)

And yes, i took the effort to separate them to show u.

Heavy noodles! (One Tonne Mee! hur hur)

Icecream at newly opened Udders @ Serangoon Gardens! Try Hazel's Nut!

"Prepare to be moonstruck!"

Ham and Cheese Panini.

Went to a place called Medz, located at the basement of Orchard Central.
They're like Marche that serves Mediterranean food. Did i spell that correctly? Too lazy to search.

Verdict: Marche still better. It has a wider selection of food!

Was very happy to see the all familiar Rosti! For $3 more, i could add a few chunks of beef.

Their pricing quite unfair also cos for $3 more...
I got that lump of mashed potato. How does 3 chunks of beef equal to a spoonful of mashed potato?!

Margherita Pizza.

*abrupt ending to picture spam*

Did this post make you hungry? ;)

An open letter to the prata uncles

Dear Prata Uncle,

In your grand scheme of feeding your abundant offspring and your lifelong quest to carve that perfect mustache, i implore that you look into certain issues.

Firstly, i get a feeling u're ripping me off my money. It's okay. I'll gladly pay $2.50 for flour rubbed with mushroom and cheese but why do u peg your kosong pratas to the economy's inflation? Do you know every time the price increases by 10 cents, it sends shockwaves? Do u know how many smses i've received informing me of this?

Why do u always give me a black face (figurative speech) when i ask for sugar? It's only sugar. Although it is of a crystalline structure, it is not diamond. I repeat, i asked for sugar, not diamonds.

Why is it my job to walk to your counter, where you're ignorantly doing your own irrelevant stuff like wiping the sink or cracking lameass jokes with your counterparts, so that i can beg you to take my money? Why must i beg you to take my money? Why must i repeat what i've eaten to you so that u can count so loudly in my face?

What's worse is you seldom use a calculator and i'm the one doing the math for you. What's worsex2 is you seem as if u can't be bothered to take my money. It's as if walking away after eating is the correct behaviour, and slogging up the 3 steps to your counter was the wrong one.

And the last i remembered, my curry includes a tiny chunk of potato floating around. Where has it gone to?

Yours Sincerely,
Prata Consumer.

Overzealous Recruit

On a late afternoon last December 2010, Coast Guards spotted a bespectacled young man, with a typically shaven head, swimming towards the sunny shores of Singapore. They immediately identified him as a new recruit from the Basic Military Training School, Pulau Tekan. The Coast Guards wasted plenty of time before recapturing him.

Coast Guard 1: "We playing dai dee when we saw that recruit swimming breast stroke. So we played 6 more rounds la cos i was losing money ma."

Coast Guard Sergeant: "Our immediate decision was to inform BMTS of their recruit's action. The Chief of the school told us not to recapture him until he was 50m off Singapore's shores. And so we waited until he was 51m off the shores then we catch him lor."

The young recruit was identified to be a very bright student from Zhonghua Academic Institutes (ZAI). Intellectual as he was, this recruit (name could not be revealed at this point) suffered from a syndrome that prevented him from understanding social cues. His failure to interprete social cues resulted in taking words literally.

Phrases like "Can i have a minute with you?" or "Go screw yoursef!" are such examples in which this recruit would take literally. Metaphors and similes were not part of this recruit's mental capacity.

Therefore on that very fateful day in BMTS, in his struggle and transition into military life, said recruit realised he forgot to bring his jockey cap that day.

The Jockey Cap

Journalist Investigator Yussof probed further into the case to unravel the motivation of the recruit's long distance swim back home; apparently his Sergeant "told him to do it."

Recruit: Sergeant i forgot to bring my jockey cap.
Sergeant: Recruit, u want to play punk issit? You want me to go to your house take for you issit? Still stand here for what. Go swim home and take it!

And so he did.

Yussof manages to get a picture of the recruit.
With his Jockey Cap.

Ironically the recruit's posted vocation is Seaport Operator. Life is a joke.

Click here to view related article.

her

Definitely a mantra to live by.